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This is my entry for Week 10 of therealljidol. Remember to vote for me this weekend so I don't have to beg and plead, which is lame. Now, in order to more fully encompass the true drama of the misunderstood Livejournal post, I've decided to throw back a couple stout margaritas and do it meme-style. That's right, an LJ triple-play.

A Bunch Of Things I Wish I Could Tell My F-list & Fellow Contestants, But In Passive-Aggressive Cowardice Decide to Post Anonymously, Under the Pretense That It's All Just A Game, But We All Know How Very, Very Real It Actually Is:

1. You know, I'm like 99.6% certain that the rant you posted was about me.

2. I think you're unbelievably hot. Really. I always read your posts just to gaze at the icon of you.

3. I know who you really are, and some of my posts were just to screw with you.

4. I only keep you on my f-list because we've been friends for so long and I don't want to deal with the confrontation I know would come from dropping you. I'm too stressed lately as it is.

5. And you – I'm so glad you're gone. “Put your grief behind a cut, because some of us are trying to keep positivity in our life”? My mom died, you callous ass. If you don't want to read, scroll on by or unfriend me like this “friend” did. The scolding was unnecessary.

6. Speaking of which...my mom died. Slowly, during the course of my wedding AND Mother's Day. You were my ultimate bestie for a long time. Where the hell have you been when I needed you? You're worse than the ones who at least gave up pretenses and just turned tail.

7. White Space. Do you know what white space is? It's those little breaks that you'll find all through this post; they come after paragraphs and numbered items. They are imperative for ease of reading. You have interesting things to say, but you say it all in one HUGE block of evilly unrelenting text, and I literally, physically, cannot read your posts. It makes my eyes burn. See this:

[White]


[Space]



Can you dig it?


8. Stop using all of the following phrases: I can haz, lulz, kthxbai. It stopped being cute looooong ago. And while we're at it, don't you dare ever vocalize in my presence: "Oh-Em-Gee". You may say, “Oh my God”. I know it's taking the Lord's name in vain, but believe me, that's the lesser of two evils here.

9. Um, don't post something on the internet if you don't want to discuss it with people. Stew in silence in your living room as you pat yourself on the back, but once it's posted publicly, don't you dare delete/censor/freeze comments. Wanna tell me how much this posts sucks and you'll do whatever the hell you want while you're online? Go ahead; commenting is allowed. You can even call me names if it makes you feel better. I might point and laugh, but I won't skew comments in my favor. Your responses speak well enough for themselves.

10. I would totally be trying to fuck you if you hadn't been such an ass that one time.

11. I wish I'd never opened up to you.

12. I have the sneaking suspicion that you don't like me very much. That's okay; I can't blame you.

13. I have the sneaking suspicion that you're crushing on my husband. That's okay; I can't blame you.

14. Your whineyness is why I didn't vote for you, not the size of your friends list. If it's a tie-breaker and I think both entries are equally strong, I'll still only vote for one: the one who has whined and pimped less on their journal. Let's face it, in a competition like this, whining does not win you fans. Sorry. I'm a newbie and I get votes...because I rawk*. My friends don't even pay attention to this shit.

15. Vote for me this weekend. I know you do, like, half of these things, but you know I wasn't talking about you. I love you, baby.






* Technically this & it's "hawt" counterpart fall under #8, but you can always flub the rules with snark. Or pure awesomeness. I'll leave it to you to decide which I'm going for here.

Comments

( 98 comments — Leave a comment )
Page 1 of 2
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maiabee8
Dec. 1st, 2008 07:49 pm (UTC)
Ha! I vaguely want to copy this meme to my own journal :).

12 and 13 are my favorites!
ahavah
Dec. 1st, 2008 08:03 pm (UTC)
Feel free. I believe it was a real meme I did once before sometime, only this time I made it less nice. :P

Thanks!
bewize
Dec. 1st, 2008 07:52 pm (UTC)
Very clever. *grins*
ahavah
Dec. 1st, 2008 08:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
jovial_kitten
Dec. 1st, 2008 07:55 pm (UTC)
These posts always make me super paranoid even when half of them are definitely not something I'm doing.
ahavah
Dec. 1st, 2008 08:03 pm (UTC)
You know I wasn't talking about you. I love you.
(no subject) - jovial_kitten - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - fierceawakening - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - fierceawakening - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:17 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - fierceawakening - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:24 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - fierceawakening - Dec. 1st, 2008 09:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - cunningbunny - Dec. 1st, 2008 10:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Dec. 1st, 2008 10:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
baxaphobia
Dec. 1st, 2008 08:21 pm (UTC)
I'm amazed that you got this out so fast! hahahahah!
ahavah
Dec. 1st, 2008 08:23 pm (UTC)
Why thank you! I wanted to write it today, so I could fully enjoy this week's NY trip without screwing up. I do believe that the margaritas helped, though. ;)
(no subject) - baxaphobia - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - baxaphobia - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - baxaphobia - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
lanternlady
Dec. 1st, 2008 08:22 pm (UTC)
LOL.. only you could make me stop and wonder.. normally, i'd not care.. but with you chérie.. i do :) xo
ahavah
Dec. 1st, 2008 08:23 pm (UTC)
Honey...

It's totally okay for you to crush on Josh. I know he's super hawt.
(no subject) - lanternlady - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - lanternlady - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
kethlenda
Dec. 1st, 2008 08:30 pm (UTC)
Guilty as charged re: No. 8. ;)
ahavah
Dec. 1st, 2008 08:31 pm (UTC)
It's okay. I think everyone on the internet except for me does.
(no subject) - cunningbunny - Dec. 1st, 2008 10:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Dec. 1st, 2008 10:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
brightflashes
Dec. 1st, 2008 08:38 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness you did a great job. I'm so impressed with your ability to use this writing tactic. I would have never been able to pull it off, but you did! Very good job. : )
ahavah
Dec. 1st, 2008 08:39 pm (UTC)
Awesome, thanks so much! I figured I'd either get a few votes or lose a few friends. So far the swing seems up. ;)
(no subject) - brightflashes - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Dec. 1st, 2008 08:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
boxsofrain
Dec. 1st, 2008 11:31 pm (UTC)
Ack, this is what I was going to do! I forgive you because I know I am #2. j/k. ;)
ahavah
Dec. 2nd, 2008 03:43 am (UTC)
Ah ha ha, you get massive cool points.

You were going to do the exact same thing?
(no subject) - boxsofrain - Dec. 2nd, 2008 03:44 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Dec. 2nd, 2008 03:46 am (UTC) - Expand
lahermite
Dec. 2nd, 2008 12:35 am (UTC)
5 - uh what. someone actually said that? that's pretty fucking disgusting.

13 - this one made me laugh my arse off!
ahavah
Dec. 2nd, 2008 03:44 am (UTC)
5: Yes. And I agree.

13: You don't think he's worth it?
(no subject) - lahermite - Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:15 pm (UTC) - Expand
johnmill79
Dec. 2nd, 2008 12:48 am (UTC)
As a blind person, I have to remind myself not to just write continuously. We often forget since it makes little difference to screen-readers. Learning the art of good paragraphing is important to writing well though, I believe.
ahavah
Dec. 2nd, 2008 03:49 am (UTC)
Whoops, I feel insensitive for not thinking of that, but I do agree, it's part of writing. Skipping regular spaces in writing is like skipping periods. It throws the whole thing of and makes it nigh incomprehensible.
miintikwa
Dec. 2nd, 2008 12:54 am (UTC)
OMG! U hate me and the LULZ!

I can has crying in the corner nao.

(*giggle*)

For the record, I was very anti-netspeak, until I started playing City of Heroes again, and my tendonitis starting acting up again. It becomes painful to type after a while, and I just kind of gave up. Netspeak is annoying, but when my choices are "be in worse pain" or "shorthand that most people think is cute," I'll take the cute and offend a few people.

Still, I *am* sorry it bothers you! I like you!
ahavah
Dec. 2nd, 2008 03:55 am (UTC)
AH, my eyes! I knew I forgot one. Nao. *shudders*

I'm all for abbreviations, as I'm a lazy ass. I don't know, it's the cutsie mispellings and grammer-whammers that have just always bugged me.

I honestly - well, with most of these - wasn't trying to single out folks. I picked a lot of stuff the masses in general do. Works better for the topic that way. :D Most of these don't belong to anyone in particular, just a bunch of folks I meet around cyberspace. I was fair - I even threw a few punches at myself. Can't tell you which, of course. That would be cheating.

I'm glad you like me! I like you too.
(no subject) - miintikwa - Dec. 2nd, 2008 03:58 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Dec. 2nd, 2008 04:06 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - miintikwa - Dec. 2nd, 2008 04:10 am (UTC) - Expand
alexpgp
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:14 am (UTC)
If this post were a painting, there would not be a bare spot left on the canvas!

Cheers...
ahavah
Dec. 2nd, 2008 03:57 am (UTC)
You've given me something to mull over! I'm not yet sure if that's good or bad, but I like it.

Thanks!
tattoosfade
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:27 am (UTC)
Obviously, #2 is in regards to me :p
Im just teasing you. So excited to read regular updates from you! I'm sorry I was not a better friend to you while you were going through so much hardship, in all honesty I have not gone through a death yet in this life and I feel like anything I say regarding the topic is trite. Not an excuse for being a bad friend, just an explanation.


ahavah
Dec. 2nd, 2008 04:02 am (UTC)
I would say obviously, but I have yet to see an actual photo. Right? (Talk about bad friend...I have several who have switched their names and I can't keep track. My memory is ... being worked on. :P)

I certainly don't want people to feel bad for not throwing me a pity party, either. I've never really been around death this close before, either. Just a reminder that people love you and are thinking of you is really the best thing anyone can do. I still feel uncomfortable because I don't know what to say to others (even my own family) who are grieving. It's too close and raw now, so it's harder to say anything.

(no subject) - tattoosfade - Dec. 2nd, 2008 05:05 am (UTC) - Expand
roina_arwen
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:49 am (UTC)
Awesome - thanks for sharing!
ahavah
Dec. 2nd, 2008 04:03 am (UTC)
I'm glad you think so! Thank you.
james_the_evil1
Dec. 2nd, 2008 03:02 am (UTC)
Not that I think any of those are about me, but if any of them were I'd rather it be #2 than #10.
:-D
ahavah
Dec. 2nd, 2008 04:05 am (UTC)
And it would be.
(no subject) - james_the_evil1 - Dec. 2nd, 2008 01:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Dec. 2nd, 2008 01:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
libra_dragon
Dec. 2nd, 2008 04:04 am (UTC)
Loved this! very nice
ahavah
Dec. 2nd, 2008 04:07 am (UTC)
Thanks so much!
deza
Dec. 2nd, 2008 04:19 am (UTC)
Very well done! I like your take on this. :)
ahavah
Dec. 2nd, 2008 01:20 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much!
walkertxkitty
Dec. 2nd, 2008 03:05 pm (UTC)
You've got balls there! I wish I had the courage to say half of these things to my own friends list. Some of them need serious clue-by-fours. However, it's the holidays, some family deaths are still less than a year old and I don't need the grief that would come from fifty bazillion people suddenly wondering what they did wrong or taking the post wrong and trying to consume my soul.

Good post!
ahavah
Dec. 3rd, 2008 01:31 am (UTC)
Why thank you! Actually, if people took this post wrong, it only means I succeeded with my topic, so I win either way. :P
spydielives
Dec. 2nd, 2008 06:12 pm (UTC)
I totally hope #14 is about me. I whine all the time. And pimp constantly in my journal.

Oh, and can #12 be about me too. Cause then I can point at #15 and laugh.

/snark

(I think)
ahavah
Dec. 3rd, 2008 01:37 am (UTC)
Sure, take what applies! I cornered the market on pointing & laughing in #9 though, so you'll either have to stick with name calling or come up with something unexpected.
(no subject) - spydielives - Dec. 3rd, 2008 01:50 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Dec. 3rd, 2008 03:01 am (UTC) - Expand
shadowwolf13
Dec. 2nd, 2008 07:39 pm (UTC)
*laugh*

I like this! Way to go. :D
ahavah
Dec. 3rd, 2008 02:04 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed.
blueashke
Dec. 2nd, 2008 08:08 pm (UTC)
This is the kind of thing I'm debating doing.

Though I'll admit I say Oh Em Gee occasionally.

Great post!
ahavah
Dec. 3rd, 2008 02:05 am (UTC)
Definitely don't let me stop you! (From posting...feel free to find an Oh Em Gee alternative :P)

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.
lilmissmagic71
Dec. 2nd, 2008 09:40 pm (UTC)
I could just cut and paste this and with few exceptions, it would be about MY flist...

great job! love it!
ahavah
Dec. 3rd, 2008 02:56 am (UTC)
Thanks! I'm glad you like it, although I'm sorry your list would be so similar. This wasn't my happiest list this time around.
jenandbronze
Dec. 3rd, 2008 12:47 am (UTC)
This was actually fun to read, I loved your take in how to write out the topic for this week.
ahavah
Dec. 3rd, 2008 02:57 am (UTC)
All right! Thanks so much. I was a bit nervous about doing a meme-like post for an entry, but I'm glad you thought it was fun.
(Deleted comment)
ahavah
Dec. 5th, 2008 02:53 pm (UTC)
I'm awfully glad you enjoyed it! Hope I can entice you into voting for me later this afternoon. Thanks, hon. I love you too!
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - ahavah - Dec. 8th, 2008 12:25 am (UTC) - Expand
darkprism
Dec. 3rd, 2008 07:59 pm (UTC)
Clever usage of anonymous meme-format for the topic. *grin*
I always thought that meme was evil!

~*~
ahavah
Dec. 5th, 2008 03:02 pm (UTC)
Ah, I'm glad you think so! (About the cleverness, although I guess I have nothing against the evilness either)
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