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Artist Way Week 4 Check-in (late as hell)

Hello, artist way friends! How many of you are still with me? I'd forgotten that someone suggested starting a community. Does anyone want to do that, or is it too late? I'm not even sure how many people are still trucking along.

I'm doing my really late check-in today instead of morning pages. I've only done about a paragraph of morning pages all week so far. This is about the same time that I peter out every time. I really don't like them. Worse now since my elbow is severely painful anymore. Even typing is hard at this point, but hand writing is even harder. At least I can keep my arm mostly still when I type, and it's just the finger movements that hurt. Handwriting moves the whole arm around. It's not well and getting worse.

So, week 4 (even though I'm half way through Week 5 now...)

Reading Deprivation.

Yeah, I sucked. I need my words to stay sane, I've realized. I did okay the first day. By the second day, I was binging on Celebitchy, my guilty pleasure gossip site. I was behind on posts and caught up like 10 pages worth of stuff after the kids went to bed. Not even good reading, just something to read and have some mindless chill time in the evening. The next day, I think, is when I broke down and posted, ranting & complaining, to facebook, although admitting my failure actually helped, and I was able to go be all sorts of productive and stay off the internet afterward. But, for the rest of the week five days, I pretty much binged every evening.

I realize that part of this stems, even still, from my abuse stuff as a kid. "You can't make me do something I hate so much! I'm a grown woman, and I can do what I want to!" (Seriously, I hate being told I can't do something and will always do it just to prove a point.) I had books taken away from me as punishment for the stupidest shit. My heart yearned for reading. It's who I am. I am not happy or fulfilled without it.

But I do realize that, yes, I live in other people's words & worlds too much. Everything in moderation. I do need to focus on my own stuff more.

The tasks were fun. I've done them before, but I definitely had some synchronicity this week. My life pie still isn't very improved, but the Exercise and Spirituality sections grew slightly. I finally held a special ceremony for Achaiah and added her fur cutting to my Medicine Bag. I did a healing ceremony and rededicated myself to spirit, and I had a great visit from her, mom, and even Jerry Garcia! (It was his death day/Achaiah's birthday, and I had been jamming to the Dead, posting Jerry stuff on my Grateful Stead facebook page all day. A visit from him again was nice.) I did some healing, offered myself to Spirit, received a blessing...and then the next day had my spirit tested. I raged about that. Still feeling out my heart-space with regards to that whole incident, but I did visit a Unity church on Sunday and got my spiritual battery recharged. Had a decent time.

I had listed several classes that I hoped to take one day, but I also bemoaned the fact that we're too far from any colleges, no cool classes ever seem to happen around here, and I have no way to exercise my withering sponge. And then, lo and behold, two days after writing a list of classes and stuff that I'd like, I found out about Coursera.org, which offers free college courses from awesome colleges all over the world! And I signed myself up for 13 freaking classes! Hopefully I won't get overwhelmed. Only one is going on now, a Science Fiction and Fantasy course, and I'm 3 weeks late into it, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity. I have Modern American Poetry and a Sustainability course coming up, and then classes scheduled all through next year. I am SO, SO excited about it! Way for Universe to listen and respond!

Still didn't get any of my own writing done. Nor did I get an artist date, unless you count church. Which I'm not, really, because that was something else entirely. I really need to start making TIME for those things a priority. I don't know when. I may just have to start getting up at 4 or something, but every time I try to get up early with Josh anymore like I used to, Maya goes nurse-crazy and I stay in bed with her til long after Josh has gone to work. I need to get her back on a better schedule where I can get out of bed earlier, because I lose up to 4 hrs by falling back asleep. Getting up at 8 or 9 instead of 5. Rushing in the mornings, yet getting little done.

I did jump back on the Flylady wagon, though that was more this week than last week. Slow going with The Elbow From Hell, but that's a huge step for me. It will probably help these depression issues I've been having. Being able to get off my sad, wallowing ass and do good things for my home and family is a big change from these last couple of months, and getting the house back in order and my routines back in place will surely help keep me in a better place.

So, that's about it. Good things. Healing, synchronicity, goals made and worked on. Crappy with reading deprivation, but I don't particularly care.

How's yours going?

Comments

( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
theafaye
Aug. 14th, 2012 01:57 pm (UTC)
I saw the coursera link on your FB and signed up for a few things. I don't think there's much overlap in classes given when they start, which is good. I wanted to do the fantasy paper too but because it's already started, I chose not to - we're going camping in a couple of weeks, then it's birthday week, so I'm not really in a position to commit to anything until end of September when the Greek and Roman myth course starts.
ahavah
Aug. 19th, 2012 02:01 am (UTC)
Right on. Well I hope you have good birthday celebrations! I did sign up, because I'm so crazy about spec fic and would have hated it if I missed out. The way assignments are due, I thought I would only miss two weeks, but there was no way I had time to read Dracula and do that week's assignments in two days, so I skipped that. They do the grade based on your top 7/10 scores, so I just have to try not to miss anymore. Although I might, with computer problems. But I'm in it more for the experience than any grade or certificate, so I'm going to try to just stick with it regardless and do as much as I can. I'm taking the mythology course too, so hopefully I'll see you there! As long as this keeps trucking along, however slowly *knock wood*. I can't seem to watch any of the videos, but I hope to make it to the library sometime soon to do those.
theafaye
Aug. 21st, 2012 06:00 pm (UTC)
With the camp next week and everything else, I knew it was too much to throw myself in right now, but I reckon that by the end of September, I'll be up for it. I may well have problems watching the videos as well - for some reason this desktop doesn't like videos and lets me watch exactly 12 seconds before stopping to think about it and never gets started again. I would have loved to do the course you're on but I figure the mythology course will have the same element of analytical thinking and be more relevant to the things I'm doing now anyway. I hadn't even realised you got a grade - that's pretty cool. I just wish my maths was good enough for things like the astronomy course - there's a lot of courses that look fascinating but I don't have the basic knowledge to be able to do them.
kiwiria
Aug. 14th, 2012 02:13 pm (UTC)
I tried depriving myself of fictional book for Lent this year. I could still read, but only non-fiction.

I think it may have been the biggest test I've ever given myself. By the end of the third week I was feeling horrible. I read to recharge, and reading non-fiction just really isn't the same. Of course it didn't help that work was crazily busy at that time too, but did I handle it badly because I couldn't read, or was it just sucky timing? I'm inclined to think the former.

I don't know if it's healthy to be that dependent on something, but as addictions go, at least it's fairly benign - even healthy at times.
ahavah
Aug. 19th, 2012 02:03 am (UTC)
Oh man, I could never do that! I don't consider reading an addiction, at least for myself. It's more like oxygen or food. LOL I think that's part of why I was having a lot of creative blocks, is because I started doing a lot of internet stuff and just stopped reading novels. I wasn't reading hardly any fiction at all, and you're absolutely right, there's a HUGE difference. I'm reading the hardcopies of the books for my sci fi/fantasy course, and I do feel infinitely better to be getting into real books again. I need to stop going so long without them.
kiwiria
Aug. 19th, 2012 06:34 pm (UTC)
You're right, it is more like oxygen or food ;-)

I wanted to try giving something up for Lent that would actually be a hardship for me... I'd say I succeeded with a vengeance :-/ If I ever do something similar it will definitely be restricted to weekdays only, leaving weekends open for whatever.
ahavah
Aug. 19th, 2012 07:26 pm (UTC)
You do know that Sundays don't count towards Lent, right? Sundays are free days!
kiwiria
Aug. 19th, 2012 07:30 pm (UTC)
I didn't at first, but found out about half-way through Lent (I wasn't raised in a family or church where Lent was observed, so had never come across it until LJ). I was SO relieved when somebody told me!
(Anonymous)
Aug. 14th, 2012 02:21 pm (UTC)
Having a crappy week here, so I'm now 2 weeks behind! I also just checked my Google account, and have 2000 new followers, so I need to get some real writing done. I am putting the mindless morning pages, which have sadly petered out, out to pasture. I don't see how pulling up old stuff that is buried and keeps sending me back into the pit of depression-hell is going to make any difference, but I'm going to jump into week 5 just go with it. I don't have the gas money to do artist dates out and about, so I'm doing things at home - sewing, beading, gardening, and cooking for fun.

I too have a great dislike for the phrase, "You can't." I heard it so much growing up that I jump anyone's case who utters it. I don't think anything ticks me off more, and I'm like you - I'll do whatever it takes to prove the naysayer wrong.
beadalley
Aug. 14th, 2012 02:21 pm (UTC)
Having a crappy week here, so I'm now 2 weeks behind! I also just checked my Google account, and have 2000 new followers, so I need to get some real writing done. I am putting the mindless morning pages, which have sadly petered out, out to pasture. I don't see how pulling up old stuff that is buried and keeps sending me back into the pit of depression-hell is going to make any difference, but I'm going to jump into week 5 just go with it. I don't have the gas money to do artist dates out and about, so I'm doing things at home - sewing, beading, gardening, and cooking for fun.

I too have a great dislike for the phrase, "You can't." I heard it so much growing up that I jump anyone's case who utters it. I don't think anything ticks me off more, and I'm like you - I'll do whatever it takes to prove the naysayer wrong.
ahavah
Aug. 19th, 2012 02:08 am (UTC)
Wow, congrats on all the followers! I really need to make time to post to my GS blog again. I really let the ball drop on that, and this comp issue's not going to help.

I'm having to do artist dates at home too, when I manage to get the time to do them. Keep missing them, but I need to make those priorities. They do help, I think.

Sadly, I only seem to have a problem with "you can't" when it comes to being "allowed" to do stuff. I balk at authority hardcore. But, doing the tasks again, I realized that I had plenty of people telling me I couldn't succeed, and instead of being all, "I'll show you" like I do with other stuff, because I loved some of those people, it created a wound that festered and I allowed it to be a self-fulfilling prophesy. I may post more on that later. It's the first time I really had some helpful stuff come up in reexamining past hurts I'd tried to work on and release before. Normally I don't like revisiting that stuff, but certain issues with family members I kind of pushed aside instead of dealing with. I'm trying to turn those feelings of failure around though. It's hard after such a long habit of it. :/
songindarkness
Aug. 14th, 2012 09:42 pm (UTC)
Maybe it's better to redo week4 if the reading ban has been tough? I understand it's tough, I've basically dropped out. I need to restart! I would love to have a community for it. :)

Wow I'm on Coursera! I keep starting courses but it was stressing me out so I've only been doing bits and pieces. I did the first essay for the Sci-Fi and Fantasy course but not on time. We can share stuffs about it!

I think you do absolutely amazingly managing everything - your house, family, the farm, so I think it sounds like you really do need to make time for those Artist Dates. Or at least something. Because you need time for you too. I'm glad you did some spiritual work. :)
ahavah
Aug. 19th, 2012 02:13 am (UTC)
Why thank you! I'm glad someone thinks I'm doing amazingly. I haven't really been feeling it.

No way am I redoing it again though! I hated that no reading thing the first time. I'm more than happy to move on. LOL

I didn't know you were in there! I posted an intro post, but otherwise I'm mostly lurking for now. Especially with the computer troubles. But I finally found Frankenstein at the library and have been working on that all day today. Hopefully I'll finish tomorrow and be able to do the videos at the library Monday. I'm a bit nervous, since I'm not really sure how to tackle literary essays, especially with such a small word count. You'd think that would be easier, but I have no clue what to talk about! lol Hopefully it'll be less intimidating after I get to see the videos.
adoptedwriter
Aug. 15th, 2012 05:46 am (UTC)
What a cool site! Go for it! Hope you enjoy the classes. AW
ahavah
Aug. 19th, 2012 02:14 am (UTC)
It really is! I was so excited to see such a great opportunity. Since we've managed to get this old comp hopping along, I'm going to try to stick with it. We'll see how it goes.
heir_of_heaven
Aug. 15th, 2012 05:52 am (UTC)
Hi Amanda, I'm still doing AW and am in the middle of Week 5, although I've been having *#!?#$!!# computer problems (my laptop keeps locking up on me so I can hardly do anything, especially online). I've been doing my exercises and weekly check-ins longhand in a notebook, but I'm long overdue for posting my progress on LJ. I'm typing like crazy trying to get this posted before my laptop locks up again.
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<big sigh!>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Hi Amanda, I'm still doing AW and am in the middle of Week 5, although I've been having *#!?#$!!# computer problems (my laptop keeps locking up on me so I can hardly do anything, especially online). I've been doing my exercises and weekly check-ins longhand in a notebook, but I'm long overdue for posting my progress on LJ. I'm typing like crazy trying to get this posted before my laptop locks up again. <Big sigh!>

Also, I was out-of-state for a 50th anniversary celebration of my aunt and uncle, which was awesome, but kept me away from the computer while I was gone.

Yet I've done the morning pages every day, and I think they are helping. They have become a habit that I just do upon waking in the morning.

I already believe in "synchronicity" 100% (I call it "providence"). My God of the Bible is absolutely all in all. He always has been, and He always will be! There is no "luck," or "chance." I may plan my steps, but He is 100% behind what actually happens in my life moment by moment.

Week 5 of AW is a tough read for me 'cuz it is so unbiblical, and I've yet to do any of the tasks yet, but I hope to get to them tomorrow.

I, too, cheated on the reading deprivation in Week 4. I figured I was just sitting there eating breakfast anyway, so what was the harm in reading the newspaper while I ate. Also, I am quite physically incapable of falling asleep if I don't read for a half hour or so at bedtime, so I figured that was preferable to laying awake half the night if I didn't read. (I read AW, so I figured it was ok, anyway).

I'm not doing any other writing except my MP, which is really starting to piss me off. I've got tons of ideas ... maybe too many. I can't pick one, and even when I try to I just can't seem to fully develop it into a coherent story line. Boo.

Clearly I've got more work to do on what is blocking me. Frustrated. Yep, that is the perfect word to describe me right now. Yet, I'm also very hopeful. I'm certain there is a light at the end of this tunnel, even if I don't see even a glimmer of it at the moment. One day at a time, right?
ahavah
Aug. 19th, 2012 02:27 am (UTC)
Agreed! Keep working at it. Definitely mak time for quality writing. Especially if you have tons of ideas! Grab them while they're fresh! How come you can't pick one? I'd list them and do a random number generator or something. Just work at it for 15 or 20 minutes every day. I usually don't have good storylines, so I just wander and follow the character(s) until something eventually starts happening.


I've been having computer problems too. Oddly enough, I seem more motivated to write when I can't! Typing is so much easier, both because I'm faster and because with my messed up elbow, writing longhand gets pretty painful after a page or so.

It's funny how we interpret the book so differently. I thought Week 5 was extra God-heavy. I've only done about half the tasks because the approach just really wasn't resonating with me, and I was having a hard time finding answers that applied to me. I'm going to try to finish those up this weekend, even though it's technically "late" for me. I haven't read ahead yet for Week 6, but I'll be glad to get done with this week and move on.
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )

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