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Relief

Ivy woke up normally this morning.

I was so afraid to go to sleep last night. I asked Josh if we could sleep in shifts, but he didn't care for that idea. I knew I was being irrational, but that's part of why it's irrational - I just couldn't help it. All day yesterday, any time she waved her arms or started nodding her head, I'd run to her, all scared with my heart pounding. Josh keeps telling me to release it and quit putting it out there, see her as healed and whole. And I do - I've been doing so much prayer/visualizing/reiki work. It's just...hard.

But this morning she woke up, early as ever, doing the normal morning things - crawling all over mine & Josh's heads, trying to look out the window, screeching when I didn't get her up fast enough, pooping massively... I have to admit that, even though it was butt-crack of dawn early, it made my heart soar.

I'm still nervous. I can't help it. I'm watching anxiously for her to show all of the developmental milestones that she had already. I'm so afraid that she's been hurt worse than we know, or set back. I mean, even though I see her running after sissy and laughing and squealing, I just can't shake that image of Josh holding her rigid body, her foaming at the mouth. How can you just shake that off? I know baby's are resilient, but...damn.

Ivy Stuff I've Seen & Rejoiced Over

* "Good Girl" - her favorite phrase, and the first thing she said after she roused from her seizure stupor.

* Smiling, laughing, squealing

* Waving

* Blowing kisses

* "Mama"

* "Dada"

* Crawling/cruising

* Sticking out her tongue and blowing a 'raspberry'

* Clapping

* "Boo-boo" (that would be 'grandma')


Ivy Stuff I'm Still Diligently Watching For:

* Dancing (ok, it's more bouncing, but we'll just say she got her mama's sense of rhythm)

* "Sissy"

* "Achaiah"

* Taking a step (this was still new, and since she's cruising so well, I'm hoping she's just been too tired/drained to do it on her own)

* Picking up little things (she was eating goldfish, but I'm not sure that counts)

* Fake coughing (her new favorite sound)

* Holding her own water bottle (I'm holding off on this one, but we may try it today if she eats well)

Tags:

Comments

( 35 comments — Leave a comment )
yummy64
Jul. 2nd, 2006 01:27 pm (UTC)
I'm so happy to hear she is doing better. I read your post and sent good energy and prayers in her direction but don't think I had a chance to post and tell you so!
ahavah
Jul. 2nd, 2006 03:39 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much! We certainly appreciate it. She's got so many people praying for her, it's wonderful. She is doing a lot better. It's a relief, and I know it's due to all the love & energy sent her way.
lolacat
Jul. 2nd, 2006 02:29 pm (UTC)
I think goldfish definitely count as requiring small motor skills! I'm glad she's feeling better even though you guys are still spooked.
ahavah
Jul. 2nd, 2006 03:40 pm (UTC)
Woo hoo! I'm glad you think so. I'll consider that one a success, then. Thanks!
(no subject) - onlyangil - Jul. 2nd, 2006 05:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Jul. 2nd, 2006 06:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
deliriousgal
Jul. 2nd, 2006 03:32 pm (UTC)
When I was reading this entry I couldn't understand what you were talking about. I understood that something horrible had happened to Ivy but I didn't remember reading a post about it and I started feeling bad that you may have LJ-cu it and I may have skimmed something this serious thinking it was a meme!

Then I scrolled down in search of another post and I found it.

And oh, dear god! I am so, so glad that she's doing better and that you were able to catch the pneumonia so soon and that the CAT scan was good and that she's chirping up again.

Hannah (my sister now 5) has had a serious fever before where we had to put her in a cool bath and were very close to calling for help. Luckily she cooled down after the bath.

All through reading your below post I could think about the first scene with the child in City of Angels and even though I'd read this post I couldn't help but think oh dear god, no! First my pig... please not her baby!

That and I am so, so upset with myself for not being online at that time to comment with my support after you were kind enough to show your support during Ghost's death.

So here it is now. Complete with huge binary-hugs!
ahavah
Jul. 2nd, 2006 03:43 pm (UTC)
Oh, don't feel upset! It's still so soon after happening. I maybe should have linked to the original post or something. Actually, that's a good idea. I'll go do that now. Thank you so much for your sweetness!
belou_luna
Jul. 2nd, 2006 03:43 pm (UTC)
I don't blame you one bit, hehe fake coughing to cute.
ahavah
Jul. 2nd, 2006 03:45 pm (UTC)
Ah, thank you! Yeah, she learned how to make that noise and realized that everyone would come running (thinking she's choking). It was actually a while before I caught on. I was all "You ok, baby? What's in your mouth?" and freaking...and then I noticed that she was grinning behind her cough. I just stuck my tongue out at her and then she started smiling for real. The drama queen!
iynx
Jul. 2nd, 2006 03:48 pm (UTC)
sounds like you need help to process your feelings, do you have someone there who is a mentor or a friend who you could talk to? Not necessarily someone who would tell you to "snap out of it" women generally aren't like that.

just because you "want" to see her as healed doesn't mean that the trauma of seeing that is gone. From experience I can tell you that moments like this that aren't processed (in my case by therapy) can come back unbidden.

remember you need care too.
ahavah
Jul. 2nd, 2006 03:59 pm (UTC)
No, I don't really have anyone. I have one friend locally, and he's moving away. I think I'm doing all right with it. I just can't help being scared, and there's certain images that are just 'stuck' now. I'm actually taking this class/healing circle on Emotional Freedom Therapy, and I'm going to try that out and see if it helps. And I'm definitely hoping to get some 'me time' in today. Thank you so much for your support!
(no subject) - iynx - Jul. 2nd, 2006 04:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Jul. 2nd, 2006 05:15 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - iynx - Jul. 3rd, 2006 01:35 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Jul. 3rd, 2006 02:21 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - iynx - Jul. 3rd, 2006 03:18 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - iynx - Jul. 3rd, 2006 03:24 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Jul. 3rd, 2006 08:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Jul. 4th, 2006 05:14 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - iynx - Jul. 4th, 2006 07:34 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Jul. 4th, 2006 02:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - iynx - Jul. 4th, 2006 07:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Jul. 5th, 2006 02:54 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - iynx - Jul. 4th, 2006 07:36 am (UTC) - Expand
naicele
Jul. 2nd, 2006 05:04 pm (UTC)
glad to see her better!

what's sissy and achaiah. + fake coughing is so cute! haha.

if she's doing her normal morning things, i'm sure she's fine. don't stress yourself unduly!
ahavah
Jul. 2nd, 2006 05:18 pm (UTC)
Oh, thanks! I'm trying to stay calm about it.

'Sissy' is short for "sister" - it's what she calls Eden. And Achaiah is our dog. :)
onlyangil
Jul. 2nd, 2006 05:36 pm (UTC)
I am so sorie to hear all of this... you are in my thought wishes what ever the fuck you want to all them... give ive a kiss for me!
ahavah
Jul. 2nd, 2006 06:03 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! I appreciate you holding us in your thoughts. I'll definitely give her a kiss for you - maybe a few of them!
annafrenc
Jul. 3rd, 2006 02:39 pm (UTC)
I'm just back from my week-end and oh, my, how frightening this must have been! I'm glad everyone is fainally okay, and I'll send some positive energy on your way.
ahavah
Jul. 3rd, 2006 08:11 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! We could definitely still use it. She's ok, but still needs to get rid of this pneumonia - and now we woke up and Eden's getting sick! *sigh* But thank you so much for the energy. It's coming in handy!
annafrenc
Jul. 3rd, 2006 02:43 pm (UTC)
Gooood to hear. *smiles*
ahavah
Jul. 3rd, 2006 09:00 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
lanternlady
Jul. 3rd, 2006 02:50 pm (UTC)
*smiles at her friend*
Might be a good day to have a special bath and focus on releasing some of the stresses of the past few days. :o).... light one of those candles honey... although the focus was abundance, Reiki is Reiki and the energies will always go where most needed right? :o)... just a little though.

Love'n'hugs
w
ahavah
Jul. 3rd, 2006 08:14 pm (UTC)
Re: *smiles at her friend*
Ah yes, that is my plan for tonight! And I can't wait! When I dropped Josh off at work today, I bought one of the audio tapes of yesterday's service. I've been told that they said a nice prayer for Ivy, too. So I'll listen to my church service and then have a nice, relaxing bath. *sigh* I can barely wait...
( 35 comments — Leave a comment )

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