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Be still...

I'm so tired of people who say, "I don't mean to be rude, but ____ " and think that by saying they don't mean to be rude, that it's a free ticket to, in fact, be rude. I saw basically that same phrasing in not one, but THREE of my groups today. It's just been everywhere lately! Why is this?

I worry lately that I've become too jaded. I immediately wanted to react, and had to take measures to calm myself lest I feed a flame war. I'm trying to look at situations and think, 'Where is the lesson in this?'

At first I wondered if I reacted so strongly because of the reading I've been doing lately. As part of my Mission 101, I've been working on more enlightening fare. Since it's such an ambitious project, I started with items *24. Read 101 Books, including 3 from / 25. The New York Times Bestseller list* by beginning the book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change". I've been reading all about Integrity, Honesty, Human Dignity, Excellence, etc. So maybe I'm just noticing all the rudeness I encountered today, and am more touchy to it.

But I tell you what, it FLEW all over me when I saw the comment, "Steve Irwin had it comming [sic] *nod nod*". Or the one that generalized an entire group of people (yes, of which I belong) as being rude, touchy (unless you stroke us just right), and lacking social graces. And there were even more, but I finally realized this was the time to quit reading. Maybe it also has to do with the fact that I'm sick, and so perhaps touchier (or, even better, in need of a good stroking)?

In gearing up for my month of meditation (item #85), I've been reading and contemplating (not quite meditating - as I mentioned, I'm sick and can't really concentrate OR do my breathing, LOL) Unity's Daily Word. I read an article by Deepak Chopra about healing and the healer's effect on those s/he heals. He quotes the passage, "Be still and know that I Am God" and urges us to still our inner thoughts when they aren't serving us.

So I sat there and tried to still my thoughts, then went back and deleted all of the personal insults from my replies. ROTFLMAO So this is one step closer to enlightenment. I tried to word my responses so that the people knew *why* I was angry. I hope the message did not get lost in the delivery, but I realize that I *seriously* have a lot more work to do with another basic principle: Patience. And here I thought having two kids had improved that immensely.

It's so easy to snark or be rude online, when we don't have to look each other in the eye. I don't want to keep giving in to that urge. As Dr. Chopra said, "In any interaction between a healer and a patient, the healer's state of well-being -- physical, emotional, and spiritual -- influences the biological response of the one who needs healing." And here I find myself in an interesting paradox - I want nothing more than to be a healer, an enlightened being who helps change the world for the better through a loving example. Yet here I am, feeling sick and pathetic, in terrible need of healing. Is this because of the negativity I keep encountering everywhere, or could it be because I'm indulging in it too much?

So I've decided that tomorrow starts my first attempt at *#59. Go a full day without scolding or yelling*. I initially meant this to be in my Family section, mainly dealing with the kids (ok, yeah, and sometimes Josh). Now I realize that it should really go in my Spirit section, and I should endeavor to treat ALL people that way. Will it help? I hope so. Will it work? Eventually. :) I'm very curious to see how many days/tries it takes until I can actually go the *whole* day. It will certainly be an exercise in self awareness. Tomorrow, when I feel my thoughts and feelings getting roiled up, I will remind myself, "Be Still."

I will also remind myself of my Personal Mission Statement. I had an assignment to write one years ago when I first took the 4T Prosperity course at church (which I am doing again - item # 100, scheduled to start this Sunday). If you haven't ever done this, I really recommend it. Like any business, we should each have a personal mission statement by which we live our lives. I haven't kept mine in the forefront of my consciousness lately, and I'm ashamed to say that it shows.

Here is the Personal Mission Statement that I came up with, probably 2 or 3 years ago:

I am a Divine Precipitation
dedicated to remembering and exemplifying Truth,
and to glorifying God through all of my Thoughts, Words, & Deeds.



Today's Daily Word:

Wherever my path may lead, God is my constant companion.

There may be a time in my life's journey when I come to a crossroads, an intersection where two or more paths are before me. With each path leading in a different direction, it's up to me to choose which one I take. I may not know what adventures lie in store for me along any given way, but I can be sure that God will be my constant companion.

I give thanks that whichever path I choose to take will present opportunities to meet wonderful friends and loving companions. There will be lessons to be learned and beautiful discoveries to be made.
As I listen to the still, small voice of God within my heart, I step forth with confidence and trust.

"Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart to revere your name." --Psalm 86:11

Comments

( 22 comments — Leave a comment )
times_suspended
Sep. 7th, 2006 09:15 am (UTC)
Is this because of the negativity I keep encountering everywhere, or could it be because I'm indulging in it too much?

What a good entry, overall. I wonder about this, myself. Sometimes, it just seems to take effort to read all the posts that show up on my friend's page - especially when quite a lot of them are negative in tone or snarky (in a mean spirited way). I don't know about your flist, but on mine, the bad vibes typically seem to come from BDSM & D/s related communities, on a regular basis.

When I talk to my beloved roo, I sometimes mention that alt. things seem to only cause pain and hurt for me [in a not so kinky, intended way] and I wonder if I could possibly leave the 'scene' (ie, the active pursuit of textual interaction) since sometimes I really wonder if it is of any benefit to me. How is reading multiple negative posts about kink (or multiple 'you are dumb,' 'you are such an amateur,' 'you need to go back home to mommy, you poser' responses to someone's honest question seeking feedback [which is probably worded poorly because they were nervous]) helping me in my pursuit of knowledge about the subject in general? I don't feel it is, really.

Then I wonder if perhaps I feel this way because I'm not feeling well (is it something in the air? Man. I feel crappy), or because of my mindset. When I feel this way I make it a point to skim and not post comments because I don't want to add to the overall poison in the air. Sometimes, it seems people have just forgotten how to be nice in the simplest ways.

Feel better soon, lovely.
ahavah
Sep. 7th, 2006 06:20 pm (UTC)
I don't know about your flist, but on mine, the bad vibes typically seem to come from BDSM & D/s related communities, on a regular basis.

I've noticed that, too. In fact, I went through a big community deletion yesterday, and there's a couple more that I'm still considering. I have to admit that I don't see a lot of "go back home to mommy" type comments. I definitely wouldn't stay in a community that was so poorly moderated to have those sort of things be acceptable. For the most part, I try to surround myself with uplifting and empowering thoughts.

I have to admit, that's one reason why I'm considering leaving the mock_the_stupid. It's very well moderated, and I learn a lot about funny things I'd never hear of otherwise, but I'm trying to reconcile that with the fact that it's a community dedicated to just making fun of people. (I know that dot_bdsm_snark is pretty much the same way, but as a newbie, I actually learned *more* from that community than from all of my other ones combined. :P)

Sometimes, it seems people have just forgotten how to be nice in the simplest ways.

That's pretty much the way I was feeling last night as I posted this. I realized, though, that I have to stop hoping that anonymous internet goobs are ever going to wise up and be polite. I'm too quick to feed the flame, so now I think all I can do is try to uphold a certain level of integrity and hope that it eventually rubs off on others. And if I can make coherent blog posts about it (not sure how coherent this one was - still sick and so really, it could just make sense to me *grin*), I hope that I can encourage others to do the same.

(Although, ok, honestly, I love words wielded with might, and I'll probably continue to enjoy snarking - on a healthy level)

Feel better soon, lovely.

Thank you so much! I already feel much better than I did yesterday. I hope that's a nice sign of confirmation. :) I'm doing well today - I called the computer a 'stupid, craptastic thing' when it froze up on me, and of course I heard Eden copying me in the living room. I was able to not scold her for using words she knows she's not supposed to, and apologize to her for setting a poor example. Babysteps!
times_suspended
Sep. 7th, 2006 07:10 pm (UTC)
I went through and removed several communities from my list about a week ago or two weeks ago myself, and the majority of them were D/s or alt in some way. I wonder if I haven't .... moved on somehow, from some of the beliefs held in those communities. Or perhaps I thought I felt that way, and maybe did at some point in time but ... well, who knows, but perhaps that is why I am finding the community itself so very worthless. This may seem horribly pompous, but I find that as I grow and learn and explore concepts, some communities are content to just stay in the same rut and after a time, the information that is re-hashed just isn't satisfying.

I could just be in one of my listless moods; I hit those often this time of year. Mourning the passing of summer and all that. It's ultimately amusing to me, because fall is my favorite season. I can't ever have enough pumpkins and I adore the weather. As is typically life in general, there are things I want and people I wish to have in my life and at the moment, not possible, so again, perhaps another reason for my mood. Hard to say.

&hearts
ahavah
Sep. 7th, 2006 07:16 pm (UTC)
Yes, there definitely seems to be a 'mood' in the air. I noticed last night that the moon looked pretty full, and I wonder if that also has something to do with it.

I'm sorry you're feeling funky. I'd offer to send Reiki, but I don't like doing that for others when I'm sick. I can intend to send some antibacterialized hugs, though. ;)
deliriousgal
Sep. 7th, 2006 10:54 am (UTC)
I don't mean to be rude but... perhaps then you should take your "dumbasses" LJ tag off then? :)

I don't tend to use that phrase a lot, but when and if I do it's normally when I'm approaching on a racial question as some people are very touche about racism. Even then I tend to say "Can I ask a question, and not have it taken the wrong way?" it tends to show that it's my opinion, or my question and it should be nice that I'm asking as I'm not being snarky or meaning to be rude - just blunt.

Flame wars, I feel, are an excellent place to release pent up energy. They are also the perfect place to go if you want to loop around a bunch of people who are expressing their opinions, sure that their opinion is right and then determined to NOT admit defeat regardless of how stupid or arrogant they begin to look.

I jump into flamewars sometimes mainly if I'm PMSing, but as I've become more tired with the communities that the flamewars occur in it's become more of a sense of "been in that war before, done that. Moving on."
ahavah
Sep. 7th, 2006 06:28 pm (UTC)
perhaps then you should take your "dumbasses" LJ tag off then? :)

The irony of that hit me last night, as well. I was just conforming to the tag system I already have set up. ;) But, my one year blogoversary is coming up, and I plan to go through and clean up my tag system, anyway. Now I just need to find a suitable alternative for that one...

As for flame wars, I've personally decided that it's just contributing to the problem and I will make more headway on my path if I try to be part of the positive example. I know I'll still have trouble refraining myself from jumping in when someone's just trying to be rude and hurtful, but at least it's something to work towards. From now on, when I feel to release that particular form of pent up energy, I'm going to go have playtime with my kids and see if that doesn't raise my vibrations a little, or at least clear my mind to the point where I can answer without feeding the problem. That will be a big step for me, I think.

I've used that "I don't mean to be rude" thing before, too. I know that with the internet, sometimes it's easy for things to be taken the same way, and I can be 'blunt' sometimes, too. But it's one thing to say "I don't mean to be rude, but I really don't understand _____" and to say, "I don't mean to be rude, but all you people are a bunch of morons." YKWIM? Of course, that's a simplistic example, but often that's what the rest of the paragraph boils down to.
deliriousgal
Sep. 7th, 2006 07:01 pm (UTC)
Pretty much, yes.

You could turn "dumbasses" to... "lacking intelligence." xD
ahavah
Sep. 7th, 2006 07:06 pm (UTC)
rotflmao

Oh, that's much better. :-D I'll come up with something. Maybe it will be my *twitch* tag or something. Or 'exercises in self-restraint' (although, whoops, that could be misleading to a good half of my f-list...)
author_by_night
Sep. 7th, 2006 11:06 am (UTC)
I love the quote.

"I don't mean to be rude, but ____" is the most annoying term known to mankind.
ahavah
Sep. 7th, 2006 06:32 pm (UTC)
I don't know. I have to admit that I've used it when I'm afraid someone might want to twist my words into a flame war. Sometimes context can be hard to tell in intarweb form. ;)

Personally, I find it a toss up with "Forgive me if this is inappropriate, feel free to delete if it is." *twitch*

lol

I've been meaning to ask you, what does your icon mean? I'm not sure I understand 'OCs', although I might get it more if my head wasn't so groggy...
lanternlady
Sep. 7th, 2006 02:13 pm (UTC)
I'll say only this, my friend: "Enjoy the journey". There are so many lessons to learn. If we only get a fraction of them then we've come full circle. :o)

hugs.. and much Reiki love your way!
w
ahavah
Sep. 7th, 2006 06:41 pm (UTC)
I'll say only this, my friend: "Enjoy the journey". There are so many lessons to learn. If we only get a fraction of them then we've come full circle. :o)

Thank you. That's part of the reason I decided to do the 101 thing mission. There are so many things I've wanted to do - I'd really like to reach my full potential on all my paths. I hope I can eventually learn enough of the lessons I should, so that I don't have to keep trying. ;)

hugs.. and much Reiki love your way!

Thank you so much! I woke up feeling better already, so I hope I'm on the mend. I'll continue to soak it up, though. I'm really hoping that the kids don't catch it!
naicele
Sep. 7th, 2006 02:24 pm (UTC)
i've known people who can go one day without screaming or scolding anyone ... but that's because they don't care. i think you're such a great person, because you care enough to spare a thought for the feelings of others.

and i definitely agree with the thing about being rude online. but then again, it's precisely the anonymity the internet offers that i have the blog i have. without the internet, i'll be another of the angsty kid you see on the streets.
ahavah
Sep. 7th, 2006 06:46 pm (UTC)
i think you're such a great person

Thank you so much! That means so much to me.

I have to admit, I've reveled in my fair share of angst. I think it's definitely something we all go through. I have yet to meet someone who hasn't gone through a 'dark night of the soul' period. I think the important thing is to actively decide that you want to live in the Light, and then do your best to stay there. I think it's an integral part of our earthlife experiences, and I've realized that I'm not good about making that a priority. I'm going to do my best to remain conscious of it, and hopefully start seeing some better results. ;)
mc_questionmark
Sep. 7th, 2006 02:45 pm (UTC)
As a healer I am sure you are aware that someone cannot be healed until they are ready. Healing cannot be forced upon someone. Similarly, you cannot hope to eradicate the ignorance and crassness of people who do not wish to behave in any other way. It is not up to you to show them all the light. Take a deep breath (as much as you can while sick, at least) and let the negativity roll off your back like water from a duck.

We all know you are a creature of the light and you do too.

There are a lot of ignorant comments celebrating Steve Irwin's death on the net. I've read many of them. Many of the people who make such comments are doing it just to get a rise out of others. Those people are not open to reason. Let them be.
ahavah
Sep. 7th, 2006 06:51 pm (UTC)
Similarly, you cannot hope to eradicate the ignorance and crassness of people who do not wish to behave in any other way. It is not up to you to show them all the light.

Oh, I know that. My point was that I've noticed that I'm too easy to get caught up in it and feed it more. You cannot change anyone outside when you haven't started your own change within. I'm doing my best to remain focused in the Light, myself.

I do believe, though, that if one person can do that, they can spark that desire in another. And when enough people can do that, they can change the face of humanity. I'll continue to believe that with all my heart - and work towards it. That's pretty good incentive, for me.
ahavah
Sep. 7th, 2006 06:57 pm (UTC)
PS:

I really didn't mean for that to read like I was out to change everybody, and I apologize if it did. I really meant for it to be a post on my own self-awareness. Or course, anything I post publicly, I try to keep empowering and hope that it inspires others. I feel that's part of my mission in life, but I can't force it upon anyone. I can only put it out there and hope that it makes a difference.
mc_questionmark
Sep. 7th, 2006 07:26 pm (UTC)
I don't mean to be rude, but ... you are made of pickled beets.
ahavah
Sep. 8th, 2006 12:10 am (UTC)
I doubt that. I've never touched a pickled beet in my life.

Or perhaps that's a sign of a deeper self-loathing? :P
mc_questionmark
Sep. 8th, 2006 12:49 pm (UTC)
Uhmm, clearly.
You aren't what you eat?
(Deleted comment)
ahavah
Sep. 8th, 2006 12:12 am (UTC)
I think our culture has been sick for a while now, but at least we have tons of people attempting to maintain the light and heal it.

I'll have to look for that book. I've read far too little Heinlein.
( 22 comments — Leave a comment )

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