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I need some friends. Not more lj friends (I probably should pare those down a bit), but some grown up friends. lahermite is the only one I have locally, and she's moved a bit further than down the road. And we never see each other without the children, anyway. I think it's getting to the point where I'm around kids so much that I'm beginning to doubt that I exist. I know I have some sort of existence as this entity known as Mommy, but I'm dreadfully afraid that the woman formerly known as Amanda is gone for good and left me here to pick up the pieces.

I was sitting here thinking, "Oh God, I've got to get out of this house." My next thought was, "I'll go to Ingles. Maybe I have enough for a Starbucks." That's right, folks, when stir-crazy and in desperate need of a break, my innate response is Oh, well let's go to the grocery store. The GROCERY store!

I need friends.

It's been years since I sat down one-on-one with someone and had just a fantastic connection. Can the skill be lost? I'm always so awkward with people. "So...rainy day. Can you believe the traffic? Yeah, that's why I avoid 26 in the evenings. So...have any kids?" Always back to the kids! I think they have sucked my social skills (and, dare I say, motivation) down to their levels. I meet a person my age and I either want to smack them and take their toys (laptops, ipods, convertibles, or boyfriends) or go play in a corner by myself (reading, writing, playing computer, or wondering why I have no friends).

Well, I'm excited about meeting my lj friend softlywhispered tomorrow. She's vacationing in my neck of the woods, so me and the girls are going to have lunch with her and her man tomorrow. And soon lahermite will be having her housewarming/loke's birthday party, so that will be fun. I also talked with the chaplaincy coordinators at church Sunday and made arrangements to get back involved with the chaplaincy program this year now that Ivy's older. I've missed that, and I think I'll notice a definite mood improvement once I get my activities going back at the church again. My spiritual battery really needs recharging.

For now, I think I'll head to the store.

Comments

( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
ahavah
Aug. 21st, 2007 08:11 pm (UTC)
Just let me know when. :D
(Deleted comment)
ahavah
Aug. 21st, 2007 08:16 pm (UTC)
Well, we're tentatively shooting for a May wedding, so you've got like 8 months. ;)
(Deleted comment)
ahavah
Aug. 21st, 2007 08:23 pm (UTC)
Ha ha ha, well I haven't really gotten him to solidify a date despite trying for months. So that's more a generalized wish at this point. :D
nedia782
Aug. 21st, 2007 08:43 pm (UTC)
I totally understand feeling like the old you may be gone forever. I am also getting sick of ONLY feeling like I can have friends or connect w ith people who have children. Why? Are my social skills so dusty that the only thing I can resort back to is what cartoon the kids are currently into? *blah*

I might have an idea popping up, if I do I will let you in on it ;)
ahavah
Aug. 21st, 2007 08:50 pm (UTC)
That's it EXACTLY!

Yes, please tell me your idea. I'm very eager. :)
(Deleted comment)
ahavah
Aug. 22nd, 2007 01:22 pm (UTC)
Thanks, love! I hardly ever see you on anymore. Now that I can't get online in the evenings, I tend to miss most of my friends. I appreciate the offer, though, and will happily accept. (I don't mind pity...I revel in attention in all it's forms ;D)
kajmal
Aug. 22nd, 2007 12:10 pm (UTC)
I'm really excited to meet you when baby_squee decides to arrive. Hopefully you'll stick around long enough afterwards for me to actually get to know you.
ahavah
Aug. 22nd, 2007 02:31 pm (UTC)
Hopefully I'll make it in time for you to feel like you "know" me before we get straight down to baby. LOL Either way, we'll definitely know each other much better afterwards. :) I'd have to stay a little bit and have fun, anyways. It will be celebration central, I'm sure.
simplydorei
Aug. 28th, 2007 12:17 pm (UTC)
Party??? i wanna do that! i can't wait until you are here, either...i was just thinking of that (oddly enough, who knows why) while i was in the shower this morning! LOL
ahavah
Aug. 28th, 2007 04:03 pm (UTC)
Because I am superfly, and people often think of me while they're in the shower.
simplydorei
Aug. 28th, 2007 04:29 pm (UTC)
Well, yes you are. But darn it, i thought i was special! Or at least having mystical revelations in the steam...
intrepidrayne
Aug. 22nd, 2007 02:09 pm (UTC)
It sounds as though you are making an effort to change up your life a bit. I'm sure getting involved in the chaplaincy will help you to meet more adults.

If MC? and I had more money I'm sure we'd visit but we seem to only be able to do short trips right now. hm...you have a good lj friend who is also a RL friend...lessthan90sheep I think. Does she live near you?

My problem seems to be the opposite these days..too many 'sort of' friends and not enough of me sitting alone in the corner reading. :) Perhaps we should switch lives for a week...
ahavah
Aug. 22nd, 2007 02:41 pm (UTC)
Hell yeah! Come on down; you can have them for a week!

Oh. That was rhetorical, wasn't it? ;)

I am trying to get out more. Actually, I'm already involved in the chaplaincy. I'm technically a Chaplain Emeritus, meaning I'm no longer on Active Duty. I did it the first year they started the chaplaincy program, but I took time off after Ivy was born. I pretty much stopped EVERYTHING after she was born - which was smart at the time, but I've really realized how disconnected I've become. Of course, it doesn't help that Josh is at the church several times a week for his job, so we skip church on Sundays more often than we go. Blah.

As for lessthan90sheep, I know it's rather surprising, but we've actually never met. We've just been online buddies for like 7 years. She did live in California, but now she lives in Arkansas. Slowly but surely, she's making her way here. I fully expect her at the wedding, whenever that happens, so I'm sure I'll meet her sometime soon. But yeah, it would be nice to have a RL friend I could just call up and be like, "Let's head for coffee!" At this point, I'd even welcome 'sort of' friends. Maybe. Maybe I'm just too anti-social for my own good.

I wish you guys had the money! It would be so awesome to meet 2 lj friends in one. Maybe you guys can make it next year for a wedding, too...? *fingers crossed*

intrepidrayne
Aug. 22nd, 2007 04:04 pm (UTC)
If you figure out a date for sure, let us know and maybe we can save for the trip. :)

ahavah
Aug. 22nd, 2007 04:05 pm (UTC)
Yippee! That would be so cool. Thank you :D

Now I just need to accomplish the seemingly futile task of making Josh settle on a date with me. LOL We're leaning towards May so far, or maybe late April.
vanillastwist
Aug. 22nd, 2007 08:02 pm (UTC)
So do i...
*smiles* and i'm in the area at least once a month... feel up for coffee sometime?
ahavah
Aug. 23rd, 2007 01:05 pm (UTC)
Re: So do i...
Are you really? I'd absolutely love that!
neurotica_girl
Aug. 24th, 2007 07:30 am (UTC)
Just a little peep to say I am back. Missed you.

Asphyxia Pixia (Laurel)
ahavah
Aug. 24th, 2007 01:34 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad! I've missed you too. Thanks so much for friending me. I thought I wouldn't hear from you again. I wanted to write, but I lost your addy.

You've missed out on....Josh and I are engaged! I don't remember how far away you said you lived, but I hope maybe you'll be able to come up for the wedding next year (likely in May). I'd love to meet you in person.
neurotica_girl
Aug. 24th, 2007 07:24 pm (UTC)
I would be honored to go to your wedding! I am about two hours away and I have to say, I am very upset with myself for not getting off my ass and visiting you in person already. But what a wonderful reason to finally be able to do so. =D
ahavah
Aug. 25th, 2007 04:12 pm (UTC)
Woo hoo! Well I can't wait then. Any time you want to come up this way, just let me know. We're always here. lol
simplydorei
Aug. 28th, 2007 12:16 pm (UTC)
Hey...i'm a grown up and an LJ friend! Well, mostly grown up. But still! :P

i do wish we were closer...it's so odd, because i kind of feel the oppostie way sometimes: like i don't have enough 'parent' friends. It's odd in the military because everyone has kids at such a young age. Everyone my age has children that are 8-12 yo, and they look at me a little cross-eyed. :)
ahavah
Aug. 28th, 2007 04:01 pm (UTC)
That sucks! Of course, most people still consider me a young one, you know...

I've found that the mutual tie of parenting is not enough to forge friendships. I hit tons of play groups and meet ups, and it's sad when you can't talk of anything OTHER than kids. I'm not sure why, but I usually don't have a strong connection with other mothers. lahermite is an exception, which was surprisingly cool to meet a hippy momma with whom I felt comfortable being myself (as opposed to Eden & Ivy's Mom) with.
simplydorei
Aug. 28th, 2007 04:28 pm (UTC)
Well, i'm ancient...so everyone is young to me! Including me. Nice little catch, huh? (:

Can definitely see where that is the case...i suppose i run into a lot of 'oh, you have an education and had a professional life & i never got one because i was too busy raising kids at 19', and many people just have a hard time getting past that. But it's ok, cause i know a few uber-awesome mom's that make spectacular exceptions to those things, so i know how it feels to have a good connection like yours!
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )

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