Ahavah Ehyeh (ahavah) wrote,
Ahavah Ehyeh

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I need some friends. Not more lj friends (I probably should pare those down a bit), but some grown up friends. lahermite is the only one I have locally, and she's moved a bit further than down the road. And we never see each other without the children, anyway. I think it's getting to the point where I'm around kids so much that I'm beginning to doubt that I exist. I know I have some sort of existence as this entity known as Mommy, but I'm dreadfully afraid that the woman formerly known as Amanda is gone for good and left me here to pick up the pieces.

I was sitting here thinking, "Oh God, I've got to get out of this house." My next thought was, "I'll go to Ingles. Maybe I have enough for a Starbucks." That's right, folks, when stir-crazy and in desperate need of a break, my innate response is Oh, well let's go to the grocery store. The GROCERY store!

I need friends.

It's been years since I sat down one-on-one with someone and had just a fantastic connection. Can the skill be lost? I'm always so awkward with people. "So...rainy day. Can you believe the traffic? Yeah, that's why I avoid 26 in the evenings. So...have any kids?" Always back to the kids! I think they have sucked my social skills (and, dare I say, motivation) down to their levels. I meet a person my age and I either want to smack them and take their toys (laptops, ipods, convertibles, or boyfriends) or go play in a corner by myself (reading, writing, playing computer, or wondering why I have no friends).

Well, I'm excited about meeting my lj friend softlywhispered tomorrow. She's vacationing in my neck of the woods, so me and the girls are going to have lunch with her and her man tomorrow. And soon lahermite will be having her housewarming/loke's birthday party, so that will be fun. I also talked with the chaplaincy coordinators at church Sunday and made arrangements to get back involved with the chaplaincy program this year now that Ivy's older. I've missed that, and I think I'll notice a definite mood improvement once I get my activities going back at the church again. My spiritual battery really needs recharging.

For now, I think I'll head to the store.
Tags: friends, goals, life, me, parenting
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