July 1st, 2006

Firefly/Serenity: You Stand Out

Ivy's Hospital Scare - Please Pray/Reiki

Josh was supposed to go work for some people from church early this morning, so we were up around 6 am. Ivy was nursing and didn't want to let go, so I stayed in bed with her, waking up slowly. Around 6:30 I tried to get up and she started crying some more, so I switched sides to let her nurse more. She latched on, and was kicking the covers off. The fan was on, so I tried to cover her back up, and then I felt her leg & realized it was burning up. Then all the sudden she started jerking a bit. At first I thought she had one of those scary/falling dreams where you wake up real suddenly and 'startle'... but then I noticed that her eyes kept blinking really fast. I thought "Oh no." Josh is epileptic, and I immediately thought it was a seizure.

I started calling for Josh, but he didn't answer. I realized he was outside feeding the puppies. I picked Ivy up and was cradling her, and her arm just kept jerking and her eyes kept blinking wildly. I heard Josh come in and yelled that I thought something was wrong with the baby. He came running, and I said, "Look, is it a seizure?" And he just took her and told me to call the doctor.

I called, and they took the info and said the on-call doc would call me back (weekend). As I hung up and was waiting, her seizure just got worse and worse. Her whole body was shaking now, and her poor arm kept flailing, and her eyes were rolling around all in her head. I got a cool cloth and put it to her head, and Josh kept running his finger on her cheek saying "Ivy, Ivy baby look at me," but nothing worked. By now it had been about five whole minutes and was only getting worse, so I called 911. I gave the operator all our info while Josh just held her, and her little body just went rigid and her poor eyes were falling around in her head.

I started crying at this point, and the operator's trying to calm me down. He says, "What's she doing now?" And I said, "Man, I told you, she just won't quit! She's convulsing and shaking and seizuring all over the place and it hasn't stopped yet!" And then, dear God, she started foaming and I told the guy and he just said to turn her on her side so she didn't choke.

Well anyway, he wanted to keep me on the line but I told him that we were waiting for the doc to call back so I got off. The doc rang through as soon as I hung up, and as I was talking to her, Ivy seemed to calm down a good bit. Then she started crying, which the doc said was a good sign and for us to go ahead and take her to the emergency room and we'd probably see her there (we didn't). The paramedics came in, but she'd stopped seizuring by now. They said it was actually normal for a baby to do that with a high fever, and she was burning up. They took her sugar & temp, which was 99.7 under the arm (they added a degree), but she was moving so much that I don't think it was a reliable reading. They said she seemed fine and we could probably drive her in ourselves, which they could tell made me nervous. So, sweet things, they said they'd hang out while we got Eden & everything ready to go, just in case. I was freaking, I mean I really really thought I was watching my baby die.

We got everything together as quickly as possible and headed to the ER. We got there probably around 7:30-8, but luckily they were able to give us a room right away. Ivy was still crying a bit, but she didn't look good at all. She couldn't hold her head up, and she couldn't move her eyes. They were stuck to the left. They took her temp there (rectal) and it was over 102. They gave her tylenol & ibuprofen to fight the fever, stressing the fact that it sounded like a fibral seizure - meaning caused from the fever - because Josh is epileptic so we were pretty frightened. I've never seen Josh have one as bad as hers, though (although he's had one grand mal seizure since I met him, I wasn't there to see it). And his never lasted that long, either. I was afraid it did some permanent damage.

Anyway, the medicine really helped. After a bit, she was able to focus her eyes, although they stayed to the left. She smiled at Daddy and said "Good girl" and it broke my heart. We just kept telling her what a good girl she was. She heard sissy playing and tried to look for her, but Josh had to move her around so Eden was on her left. But that made her smile when she saw Eden, and Eden kept saying "Peek-a-boo!" which would make her laugh and then Eden would say, "I playin make the baby feel better".

I felt so bad. I was sitting there, watching her poor head loll around, and I kept thinking "Oh no, I took allergy medicine yesterday. I've been drinking too much coffee. What did I eat yesterday?" You know? I think the fact that it all started when I was nursing her as really scaring me; I just kept thinking it was something *I* did. The medicine knocked her out, but her eyes were red and puffy and she was so, so pale. Grey. I kept remembering all the stories I've read lately of babies passing on, and just yesterday or the day before I read an entry on one friend's journal about a homebirth transfer when they did an ultrasound and only found "a little black heart" - I remembered those words exactly. And then I thought of beautiful little Abby, and even Lucy - who's mom had the good sense to take massive amounts of pictures through her heart surgery ordeal. And all I could think was that we never went and had her pictures done yet, and I'd left my camera at home, and how I couldn't get a picture of her smiling at daddy, and the last memory I would have of her was her head hanging back with her eyes rolling around. And I just cried, and Josh kept telling me not to, to be strong for her and Eden and I kept trying.

Eventually they came and took her for a CAT scan & chest x-rays. Josh went with her while I stayed with Eden. I picked up her little towel - the spit raggy type thing, and I tried to hug it and smell it but it didn't smell like her and that made me cry, too. And Eden asked what's the matter, so I just explained that I was scared because sissy was so sick, and how we needed to give her lots of good energy.

Ivy was sleeping when Josh brought her back, and she slept for a good couple hours. I laid at the foot of the bed, trying not to disturb her. Then I realized her feet were right above my head, so I turned and tried to smell her then, just so I could remember what she smelled like. But I'd cried so much that I couldn't smell, and that made me cry again.

She woke up, though, and looked a lot better. Her eyes were finally moving around, and we played peek-a-boo and she laughed -really laughed- a whole lot. And she could pick her head up, too. She was watching me as I moved around, and then I realized she was *really* watching Eden eat her goldfish. So I laid with her on the bed to nurse her, and she fell right back to sleep.

Another hour or so later the doctor came back and said that the CAT scan looked ok - no permanent damage - but that it looked like there was fluid in her left lung. We caught it in the early stages of pneumonia. The gave her an intramuscular shot of antibiotics, and I must say that she started improving immensely after that. Her eyes really cleared up. The gave us the meds to keep up with, and wrote a prescription for amoxicillin to start tomorrow, and said we could take her home. By the time we left, she was focusing well and able to move her head and both arms. She was still very sleepy & groggy. She's only just now woken up (at 3). She's smiling, though, and talking, although we haven't put her down to see if she can still walk around. She looks ok, though, and I think she'll be able to keep her 'cruising' up if she's not just too weakened from being sick. She's waving & blowing kisses again, so she seems pretty much back to normal. Cranky, but I guess that's to be expected.

So anyway, we're supposed to watch her closely for the next few days. If she shows *any* signs of getting worse, we're supposed to get her back to the ER ASAP. She looks really drained, so it's my hope that she'll keep napping well and get her strength back. I'd still appreciate any prayers and reiki you want to send our way. I already called both the church and Silent Unity (1-816-969-2000 or 1-800-669-7729) from the hospital. The chaplain I spoke with at Silent Unity said an amazingly awesome prayer with me, and I was so grateful and it truly helped me so much. I highly recommend calling them, even if you're not a Unitic. I've actually called them several times, and they pray with you on the phone and then put your (or Ivy's, in this case) name up on the wall there at Unity Village and people pray for them for 24 hours a day for 30 days. It's an amazing ministry.

Ok, if you got this far, thanks for reading. My online time will likely be spotty for a while, so that's why. I'll keep everyone posted as to how she fares. Just please hold us in your hearts. Thank you!