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LJ Etiquette

Okay guys, a couple questions/thoughts...

If you see one of your friends snarked somewhere, do you tell them? Is this a case or 'what they don't know won't hurt them' or 'better point that out, lest they be pissed you didn't tell them'? Does it only matter if it was an f-locked entry, so they can be aware that a "friend" is a viper?

Me personally, I want to know if I'm being snarked. Hell, I snark myself often, so I'll be impressed if it's done well. In fact, I'm fairly sure that I saw an entry about myself the very same day I joined mock_the_stupid. I almost commented, but what's the point? Wank only makes it worse. Still, most people have thinner skins than me. Would I upset someone more by pointing it out, or by remaining silent?

This isn't today, BTW, so don't go reading my f-list to see if you showed up somewhere. LOL This is something I noticed one day while I was peeking in randomly.

Also...lots of folks vent about their friends. I'm just curious - do you create a special filter that excludes those friends, or do you just let them see it & hope it works out? I don't vent about my friends here, I tend to do that to Josh. LOL No really, I usually talk it out with said friends whenever I'm calm enough to. I'll talk to them before I'll talk to others about it, and it usually peeves the shit out of me if I find I'm not given the same courtesy. I'd rather know what's being said about me than not.

Speaking of filters - since I have a bunch of new friends, I should really go over them again. I think most people miss my filter link I have.

* Writing: My stuff, I usually like thorough critiques if you're willing. I do enjoy those "this is perfect; you rock!" comments, but I more greatly prefer constructive criticism. Like I said, thick skin. Since lots of people (ha! sometimes) comment, I may not take every suggestion, but I'll consider them.

* Poetry: Kind of self-explanatory. Seldom-used.

* NaNoWriMo: For those fellow WriMos or the angelic friends who just want to stay on my ass as I attempt National Novel Writing Month

* Ladies Only: Not for men, but hopefully more Lady-power than ewww-gross-stuff. Also seldom-used.

* Reiki Masters: For people with Reiki III attunements only. This is my teaching-prep stuff. All regular reiki posts are public, or f-locked if it's sensitive.

* Shamanism: Where I share my shamanic journeys. I love feedback, but rarely get it. I'm also hoping for people who would be willing to do joint-ceremonies/journeys.

* Channeling: My mom was a channeler. I am (slowly) going through her channelings. This is more personal reflection than readings, as well as my own experiences.

* Music Exchange: Not started yet, but in the works. Read this post if you think you may be interested.

Let me know if you want on any of them!

Some other things you should know about my lj:

- I only use lj-cuts when many pictures are involved.

- I prefer mutual friending. Most of my lj is f-locked. I usually delete anyone who removed me. I'm a little OCD about keeping my numbers even/balanced. *blush* There's your secret for the day!

- I usually only add people who introduce themselves and ask to be added. I overlooked that for my LJ Idol friending-fun, but that's usually how I roll.

- I post on many different topics, but it doesn't bother me if you're not interested. Comment/contribute when you're interested. Just don't come in my house demanding cuts or filters. That irks me. And on that note...

- Feel free to unfriend me whenever you want, or ask me to take you off a filter if I've put you on one. I just usually prefer hearing it from you than commenting on yours for a few months before I realize you've unfriended me. I always say goodbye, but I don't make a big deal.

Thanks for coming along!


( 41 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 7th, 2008 03:19 pm (UTC)
I don't always comment, but I always read. As soon as I get up in the morning I read my friends list, and when I get home from work or whatever other reason I was out of the house. When I'm home, I am always on my computer, and I have a Firefox plug-in that shows the last person to post on my friends list in the lower bar of Firefox. It also tells me how many posts I haven't read yet on my friends list(up to 50, then it stays at 50+). There are other options like comment tracking and other stuff but I really only use it to keep up on my friends.

As for filters, I'm down with all of them except the Reiki, and the Ladies-only one. As androgynous as I like to be, I'm still packing my bits on the outside. I think the music exchange is a cool idea. I'm bad at snailmail, but with gmail I can send & receive large files so that would work for me. I like being exposed to new music, and sharing music I find with others. I meant to comment on that post before but I was rushing out and it slipped my mind when I got home. Thanks for bringing it up again!
Oct. 7th, 2008 03:32 pm (UTC)
Sweet, my thanks! You now have nearly-complete access. :D And may I say, I'm super-excited to have another contributor for the music exchange. I'm going to try to get started on it this week, though it's going to be a busy one, so maybe not til next week.

So I seriously need to find these firefox plug-ins, I think. I had no idea!
Oct. 7th, 2008 03:49 pm (UTC)
If someone has a problem with me, I would hope they'd tell me so that I can change my behavior (or, y'know, tell them to fuck off, depending on what the problem is, LOL.)

So I guess I'd like to know if someone was ripping me a new one someplace. I think that's normal, yeah?

I like all your filters that you feel comfortable having me on. I don't have any filters so I can't offer any supersekrit filters back. LOL
Oct. 7th, 2008 04:58 pm (UTC)
I'm of the Must-Know variety myself. It boggles me that other people would prefer ignorance, but they say that's bliss... (hm, maybe I should turn this into this week's lj idol entry?)

I've added you to all my filters! Looks like you weren't on any except for the ladies only filter. If you decide they bore you, let me know.

I didn't add you to the music exchange. Did you want to participate in that?
(no subject) - dragynflies - Oct. 7th, 2008 09:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 7th, 2008 05:04 pm (UTC)
Really? Yay! I need more friends who are interested in shamanism.

I'll go ahead and give you the full treatment then (minus RM filter), but feel free to ask me to take you off if you repeatedly find the entries boring.


Oh, were you interested in the music exchange as well?
Oct. 7th, 2008 04:10 pm (UTC)
At the moment, with ye computer in ye shoppe, I'm not commenting or reading much [today is an exception]. However, I'd be interested in being on all of your filters, particularly the writing ones, including the poetry. I have no idea what Reiki is! To be honest, I'm a tad nervous about the Shamanism one. Is it all right if I come on the filter, see what it's about, and if it freaks me out, ask to be taken off? But how will I know if I don't try - that's why I don't just want to say no right up front.

And yes, I would want to know if I was being snarked by a friend. Definitely. And then I'd take it out back with them!

BTW, gorgeous journal style!
Oct. 7th, 2008 05:12 pm (UTC)
By all means! I love introducing people to new things, and I try not to take it personally when my passions just don't resonate with someone. Hopefully I won't scare you off. I don't post to the shamanism filter a lot, especially nowadays, but I'm going to try to get back into it.

As for Reiki, it is a form of energy healing. I give my perspective on it here, if you're interested. It's quite an old post and I keep saying I'm going to update it (read: to a better job). Let me know if you have any questions! Reiki is probably one of my biggest passions.

And thanks so much! I picked this one just because I wanted a nav bar on the side. lol I'm hoping to learn enough, now that I have my own computer/net back, to be able to do a personalized layout.

(Edit: Whoops! Edited to give you the right link. I accidentally copied the wrong page, meant for my friend author_by_night down below. That other one was the channeling explanation)

Edited at 2008-10-07 05:28 pm (UTC)
ps: - ahavah - Oct. 7th, 2008 05:17 pm (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 7th, 2008 04:21 pm (UTC)
I joined a snark community because I was being snarked. I remember joining in.

I don't know if I would tell someone if I saw them snarked or not. Probably, but I'm not sure.

I'll be on any filter you feel comfortable putting me on. If it is something I'm not interested in, or don't understand, then I'll scroll to the next post on my F-list.

Oct. 7th, 2008 05:20 pm (UTC)
You joined in your own snarking? Too cool!

I'll add you to them then, but I hope you'll let me know if you feel habitually bored. A lot of them are more spiritually-oriented, so I prefer to share that stuff with folks who care. LOL

How about the music exchange?
(no subject) - thenodrin - Oct. 7th, 2008 07:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Oct. 7th, 2008 07:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 7th, 2008 04:24 pm (UTC)
Sometimes I tell, sometimes I don't. One time I found fanfic snark about one of my friends... honestly, she was over that fic, and there was just no use telling her. But another time, I found out a friend of mine - I'll call her K - was being speculated about on a mod forum. (K was friends with some mods.) Although I know we all say things we regret, these were still things you don't say about your friend, even if you are a mod. (Maybe especially? She hadn't broken any rules or anything, it was personal stuff. At least keep it to a private chatroom.)

I have created filters before, but I try not to. Most recently, I'd found out one of my LJ friends was sick, so I created a filter so I could talk about it without her seeing because that would be really, really awkward. And another time, I was really upset, so I did. And in general, I filter, as you know - not because I'm worried about people seeing things, but because I know different people read my LJ for different reasons.

Channeling: My mom was a channeler. I am (slowly) going through her channelings. This is more personal reflection than readings, as well as my own experiences.

Channeling what? People's thoughts? *Curious* And don't worry, you can more or less tell me anything... my aunt is pretty sure she had an OBE, so this sort of thing doesn't bother me.

Oct. 7th, 2008 04:25 pm (UTC)
Er... that was me...
(no subject) - ahavah - Oct. 7th, 2008 05:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 7th, 2008 05:35 pm (UTC)
Thanks for sharing! I have to admit, when I was netless, I would catch up on people's LJs all in one sitting whenever I could get online for a few. I'd check their profiles to see if they'd posted, and I did wonder several times why I wasn't included in certain peoples' filters. It didn't bother me too much, since I was gone for like two years and can totally understand why I wouldn't be included in more private things. It bums me when I see it, though - especially if I don't know the person uses filters to begin with, so I have no clue what I'm missing. Mostly nosiness on my part. Although I'll admit that part of me wonders, "OMG I hope they're not talking about me with the rest of their f-list!" Like I'm that freaking important. hahaha

You weren't on the shamanism or writing filters, actually, but I've added you now! Thank you. :D

(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Oct. 7th, 2008 06:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Oct. 7th, 2008 07:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 7th, 2008 06:32 pm (UTC)
I will sometimes filter a friend from an LJ post, but it's not something I do maliciously. I'm a real hermit, and my closest friends are here on LJ, so I use my journal as a forum for advice or feedback. I am really against those wank communities, just because I'm very anti-drama. If someone was venting about me in a personal journal (and it was something about perhaps a specific incident or problem...not just "She's such a bitch, I hate her and hope she dies" sort of crap) I wouldn't feel the need to know. If they're humiliating me in a public forum like one of those communities? I'd like to be able to tear them a new one.

I have a standing rule with all of my friends that I like to be added to any filter they feel comfortable adding me to. I'm not a very private person, and I like the most open exchange of ideas/thoughts that people are comfortable with. And I'd be particularly fascinated with your shamanism filter, really...my spirituality is a bit off the beaten path, so I like hearing about individual spiritual journeys.
Oct. 7th, 2008 07:18 pm (UTC)
I do lots of filters, but I don't like specifically make a No-Cunningbunny filter or anything. That was more my question.

I'll happily add you to the filters - especially the shamanism! I need more folks interested in that. Thanks! Feel free to let me know if you'd like to be removed from any if you end up not liking it.

Did you also want in on the music exchange?
Oct. 7th, 2008 07:14 pm (UTC)
I read a lot, but comment only if I have something real to say. And yes, I do have filters if I need to bitch about drama with other friends, but usually the only ones who can see that post are people who don't live here and don't know the people in question. Usually if I've got something to say, I'll come right out and say it and sorry if it offends. But sometimes I just need to bitch and it's just emotional bull. And sometimes I need perspective from other people ;)

I'm all for being on the reiki, channeling and shaman lists, as well as girls only as I have girly bits too.
Oct. 7th, 2008 07:27 pm (UTC)
I didn't know you were a Reiki Master! I'm sorry you haven't been on there. And thanks for coming aboard the other ones. I love expanding those circles.

That's kind of what worries me - I'd really hate knowing people are talking about me with their other friends, but not to me. I mean, I may not know them personally, but we usually see each other around if we stay on the same friend's journal for a while. I'd totally rather know if someone had a problem with me or something I said. But thanks for sharing! I was wondering how folks handled those things.
(no subject) - medievalneedle - Oct. 7th, 2008 07:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Oct. 7th, 2008 07:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - medievalneedle - Oct. 7th, 2008 07:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 7th, 2008 07:19 pm (UTC)
If I were being snarked by a friend, I think I'd like to know. Mainly so I could figure out if it were something that I should be working on, or if I needed to re-evaluate my friendship. You surely don't want friends that talk about you behind your back. If it were something like domestic_snark, I might want to know, and tell someone, if I felt it was something that needed defending.

Filters I'd like to be on: writing and ladies only. :)

Oct. 7th, 2008 07:32 pm (UTC)
I feel the same as you! Thanks. That's also fun - I needed a new snark community. :D

(no subject) - kathness - Oct. 7th, 2008 09:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 8th, 2008 05:44 am (UTC)
On the snarking thing, it really, really depends on circumstance, who the friend is, what's being said and where. I'd want to be able to post a link so that the snarkee can read for themselves what's being done rather than copy and paste or paraphrase. I have a bit of an issue with copying things from people's journals without their consent, even if it is nasty and without proof, I'm just gossiping.

Filters: happy to give good constructive criticism on anything you write. I'm pretty good at being impartial and dealing with the words rather than anything else and as a fellow writer, I know how tough it is to put your stuff out there when it's so personal regardless of subject matter. I also happen to be a lady, so feel free to filter me that way. Plus shamanic journeys and channeling, although I probably won't give feedback unless specifically requested - again, this is all to do with the personal nature of experiential paths.
Oct. 8th, 2008 03:22 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much for sharing - on all of it! I've added you to the filters. I put you on the writing/poetry ones, since you didn't mention NaNo. And I don't worry about comments so much, although I'll admit I get bummed sometimes if it was a particularly important experience for me and no one posts. But, haha, that's some of the needy/want-to-be-loved crap that I'm working on releasing. ;) It's more just that I don't have anyone locally who I can share these things with, so I look for folks here.
Oct. 8th, 2008 07:28 am (UTC)
I know that I would want to know if I was being snarked/flamed/whatever. Mainly because I'm an attention whore and want to know whenever anyone is talking about me.

As for the filters, you know that if you write it, I'll read it. *hugs* Though somehow I doubut that will still allow me access to the female-only filter. :)
Oct. 8th, 2008 03:38 pm (UTC)
I'm the same way as you...and I guess for the same reasons. Although it's not all for the attention. I initially joined my first snark community so I could learn what NOT to do.

So you want in on all the filters? Woo-woo type, as one of my old friends used to call my weird hippie spirituality. LOL I would let you on the ladies only myself, but it's supposed to be a sacred safe space for the yin. :P
(no subject) - sneezythesquid - Oct. 9th, 2008 03:53 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Oct. 9th, 2008 11:45 am (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 11th, 2008 04:58 pm (UTC)
Am I still on you NaNo filter? =)
I decided to write again this year, though time is short. On the NaNo site I am Peirol.

And if you don't mind to add me to your shaminism filter; it's not exactly my branch of the world tree but I wander over there from time to time....
Oct. 11th, 2008 05:07 pm (UTC)
You are indeed! I've added you to the shamanism filter. I really like the way you put that.
Oct. 11th, 2008 09:51 pm (UTC)
I'd like to be included in these three filters, if it's okay with you?
* Ladies Only
* Shamanism
* Channeling

The first because... well, I am a lady, so why not? The other two because I know nothing about either and think I'd find it interesting to learn.
Oct. 12th, 2008 03:54 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I've added you to each. If you find the shamanism and channeling isn't your cup of tea, let me know and I'll be happy to take you off.
Oct. 13th, 2008 10:00 pm (UTC)

Just checking to make sure I'm on all the filters because, you're awesome and I'm nosy :)

Well except for NaNoWriMo cuz, well, it makes me feel slack that I'm not doing it. But I believe you can and will :)


Oct. 13th, 2008 11:18 pm (UTC)
Thanks, hon! You weren't on all of them, but you are now. I added you to the poetry, writing, and shamanism filters.
( 41 comments — Leave a comment )


Ahavah Ehyeh

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