Ahavah Ehyeh (ahavah) wrote,
Ahavah Ehyeh
ahavah

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Resolute

I hate starting posts with definitions, but since there are several ways of looking at this word, I wanted to narrow it down to one to focus on. This is the one that seems to stand out for me:

Having a decided purpose; determined; resolved; fixed in a determination; hence, bold; firm; steady.

I had a decided purpose once, but boy, 2008 really set me back a bit. If I look at this word and myself honestly, I just plain wasn't determined, resolved, or steady. In fact, 2008 has probably been my worst year ever, when it was supposed to be my best.

After seven years and a beautiful family, Josh and I finally got married. But the week of my wedding, mom had her accident. Even though we got married anyway, and I love him more than ever for it, the hardest thing in the world was standing there committing our lives together while my mom's was seeping away, knowing we'd put off a honeymoon to pull life support instead. She died on Mother's Day, and our church, where Josh worked, saw fit to 'let him go' the day after. Then our car broke. I don't believe I've ever had a lower point in my life, not even when I was homeless.

I didn't care about purpose at all. I had just started my own Reiki school, and I stopped doing that completely. I couldn't care less about finding doula clients, and I know my recertification isn't all that far off. I've almost completely abandoned my Mission 101 list, and it's due to end in May. I look at my goals, and I still want to do most of those things, but...I just don't care.

I should. What happened to my decided purpose?

My Solstice and healing ceremonies helped. I have left the darkness behind, and I move into 2009 with a clean slate. That's really why I don't want to move on with those goals of the past. I need a fresh start. Maybe I'll make another goal list, but it will be a rededication to what's important to me. I cannot have lists of old 'Musts' holding over my head if I want a new beginning.

So today, on the first, I start with just one. I wrote my Personal Mission Statement several years ago now, but it's been so long since I focused on it that I can barely remember it. That is the first thing I want written on my clean slate. Right now I have only one resolution: To return to my path, and keep going.



My Personal Mission Statement

I am a Divine precipitation,
dedicated to remembering and exemplifying Truth,
and to glorifying God with all of my thoughts, words, & deeds.





This is my entry for this week's therealljidol topic. If you enjoyed it, please consider voting for me. I'm in the last tribe. Thanks!
Tags: goals, life, ljidol 5, love, me, spirit
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