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Resolute

I hate starting posts with definitions, but since there are several ways of looking at this word, I wanted to narrow it down to one to focus on. This is the one that seems to stand out for me:

Having a decided purpose; determined; resolved; fixed in a determination; hence, bold; firm; steady.

I had a decided purpose once, but boy, 2008 really set me back a bit. If I look at this word and myself honestly, I just plain wasn't determined, resolved, or steady. In fact, 2008 has probably been my worst year ever, when it was supposed to be my best.

After seven years and a beautiful family, Josh and I finally got married. But the week of my wedding, mom had her accident. Even though we got married anyway, and I love him more than ever for it, the hardest thing in the world was standing there committing our lives together while my mom's was seeping away, knowing we'd put off a honeymoon to pull life support instead. She died on Mother's Day, and our church, where Josh worked, saw fit to 'let him go' the day after. Then our car broke. I don't believe I've ever had a lower point in my life, not even when I was homeless.

I didn't care about purpose at all. I had just started my own Reiki school, and I stopped doing that completely. I couldn't care less about finding doula clients, and I know my recertification isn't all that far off. I've almost completely abandoned my Mission 101 list, and it's due to end in May. I look at my goals, and I still want to do most of those things, but...I just don't care.

I should. What happened to my decided purpose?

My Solstice and healing ceremonies helped. I have left the darkness behind, and I move into 2009 with a clean slate. That's really why I don't want to move on with those goals of the past. I need a fresh start. Maybe I'll make another goal list, but it will be a rededication to what's important to me. I cannot have lists of old 'Musts' holding over my head if I want a new beginning.

So today, on the first, I start with just one. I wrote my Personal Mission Statement several years ago now, but it's been so long since I focused on it that I can barely remember it. That is the first thing I want written on my clean slate. Right now I have only one resolution: To return to my path, and keep going.



My Personal Mission Statement

I am a Divine precipitation,
dedicated to remembering and exemplifying Truth,
and to glorifying God with all of my thoughts, words, & deeds.





This is my entry for this week's therealljidol topic. If you enjoyed it, please consider voting for me. I'm in the last tribe. Thanks!

Comments

( 33 comments — Leave a comment )
qilora
Jan. 1st, 2009 09:56 pm (UTC)
2008 was indescribable.

your 2009 should be full of much blessing.

love! - me.
ahavah
Jan. 1st, 2009 10:09 pm (UTC)
I hope you're right! Thank you.
jovial_kitten
Jan. 2nd, 2009 12:06 am (UTC)
I think you're doing an amazing job as it is. Taking the time to heal and focus on you and your family was important. I really admire the strength you have,because put in the same situation I'm not sure I could deal.
ahavah
Jan. 2nd, 2009 12:08 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! Yes, I'm kind of surprised that I did deal, but I guess sometimes that's the only thing you can do. I'm glad you think I'm strong, though. Sometimes it's hard to feel it.
imafarmgirl
Jan. 2nd, 2009 12:30 am (UTC)
Returning to your path is a great place to start over. Well said.
ahavah
Jan. 2nd, 2009 12:42 am (UTC)
Thank you!
baxaphobia
Jan. 2nd, 2009 12:54 am (UTC)
I wish you well in 2009 and here's hoping for a much better year!
ahavah
Jan. 2nd, 2009 12:55 am (UTC)
Thanks so much! I hope your year is filled with happiness, as well.
merenda
Jan. 2nd, 2009 06:46 am (UTC)
As you know, sometimes our travels take us on a detour. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is get back on the path, but you are doing it! This past year dealt me a few doozies myself, and my main goal this year is pretty similar to yours. Hopefully we can send each other positive energy to help each other keep on track. Shoot, we live close enough that we can just tie it to a rock and throw it to each other. :)

You're so strong to deal with all you've dealt with over the past year, and already be back on the path. I respect that SO much.

Have a great day and I'll talk to you again soon! My family is here for another couple of days so I'm trying to spend as much time with them as possible....

Take care,
-Frank
ahavah
Jan. 2nd, 2009 05:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I would be delighted to walk a bit together and encourage each other. :) My main failure with this is a failure to keep it at the forefront of my consciousness. If I can be mindful, I usually do much better.

Have fun with your family! I'm in no rush.
jenandbronze
Jan. 2nd, 2009 10:36 pm (UTC)
I loved the personal mission statement, what a fantastic idea.
ahavah
Jan. 2nd, 2009 10:51 pm (UTC)
Thank you! It's really helped me a lot, when I've managed to stay mindful about it.
theafaye
Jan. 2nd, 2009 11:12 pm (UTC)
I really hope 2009 is a good year for you. You seem like such a beautiful family - you guys deserve good times.
ahavah
Jan. 2nd, 2009 11:13 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I hope yours is awesome as well.
beeker121
Jan. 3rd, 2009 03:02 am (UTC)
A mission statement is a great idea.

Have a better 2009.
ahavah
Jan. 3rd, 2009 03:17 pm (UTC)
I find it's really been helpful for me, but only when I remember to look at it daily! I suppose everyone falls of their path sometimes, though. A mission statement helps me remember what mine is.

Thank you!
shadowwolf13
Jan. 3rd, 2009 03:19 am (UTC)
I hope you find all the best and brightest that 2009 has. Brightest of blessings for you and yours.

Lovely entry.
ahavah
Jan. 3rd, 2009 03:18 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much, and I hope the new year is filled with blessings for you as well!
solstice_singer
Jan. 4th, 2009 01:19 am (UTC)
Good luck to you this year. I really do hope it turns out to be better than last year was.
ahavah
Jan. 4th, 2009 02:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you, and I wish a fantastic year to you as well!
walkertxkitty
Jan. 4th, 2009 04:00 am (UTC)
Looks like you're another among the casualties of 2008. It seems to have been a learning and healing curve for lots of people. I like your personal mission statements and I hope they work out for you.
ahavah
Jan. 4th, 2009 02:18 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I've noticed the year seemed to attack several of my friends. :/

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for your kindness!
alycewilson
Jan. 4th, 2009 06:38 am (UTC)
Here's hoping this year turns out better.
ahavah
Jan. 4th, 2009 02:18 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much!
roina_arwen
Jan. 4th, 2009 02:58 pm (UTC)
I sincerely hope your 2009 is full of all the blessings you deserve - and I love your mission statement! *hugs*
ahavah
Jan. 4th, 2009 03:05 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!
brightflashes
Jan. 4th, 2009 05:13 pm (UTC)
: ) 101 works for me and the hubby; can't expect it to work for everyone, though. If it works, it works. If not, may your path lead you to where you belong.

great post! : )
ahavah
Jan. 4th, 2009 05:23 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I found 101 really helped me, right up until life started throwing curve balls. I tried redoing my list, which I initially swore I'd never do. Now I'm just thinking of starting with a new one. I got a lot of things accomplished, though!

I haven't been paying much attention to the community, but I'll look for your name. :) Good luck with yours!
(no subject) - brightflashes - Jan. 4th, 2009 05:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Jan. 4th, 2009 05:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - brightflashes - Jan. 4th, 2009 05:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Jan. 4th, 2009 05:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
ahavah
Jan. 5th, 2009 09:45 pm (UTC)
Thanks. It definitely took me some time to feel any sort of purpose again, but I feel like I'm getting there. I think looking at it as a fresh start has helped, too.
( 33 comments — Leave a comment )

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