Ahavah Ehyeh (ahavah) wrote,
Ahavah Ehyeh

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A Slightly Irate PSA About Boy vs Girl

Dear World,

Believe it or not, it is totally okay to prefer one or the other. This does not make someone a bad parent, this does not mean they will be disappointed with their child, this does not mean they will treat it any differently, and it does not mean they have their priorities off-track and need a lecture.

No, really!

You know what? I wanted a girl first. Ever since I was a little girl myself, I wanted a daughter first. More than anything. I got it! I was so grateful. So, so grateful. Prayers of gratitude. Much love.

With Ivy, it didn't matter. I honestly didn't care one way or another. Not because I loved her less, or because she didn't matter, or because my moral system is skewed. I just wasn't invested either way.

I love her just as much as I love Eden.

Yes, I am really wanting a boy this time. I know I'm all, "We don't instill gender stereotypes or division in our children." I stand by that. But you know what? Josh wants this to be the last one. And I can't help it that deep down inside, I would really love to have a son.

If it's not, I will love her just as much as I love my others!

I'm getting a little tired of the almost-daily lectures I've gotten. Not by those who know me best, which is reassuring. This makes me believe that those who love me either don't think I'm a bad parent, divisive douche-monster, or, hey, maybe they do and they've just come to terms with it. However, the unsolicited lectures are really starting to bother me.

"Well, you know, when it comes down to it, all that REALLY matters is a healthy baby."

Hey, dude, you've got a point there! That totally never, in all 97 weeks of my life that I have spent pregnant, ever occurred to me.

Who the hell goes around saying, "You know, all I really want is a traumatically unhealthy child!" That's right...nobody. So stop snarling at me like that's exactly what I said. Stop lecturing me on what I should be thinking. No, seriously. And this goes triple for those of you who say this to me after asking if we know what the sex is or if we have a preference. Of course I damn well want a healthy child! I also would like a boy this time. Especially if it ends up being the last time.

And. That. Is. Okay.

If I don't get one, That. Is. Also. Okay.

But, yes, this time I do have a preference. And if you ask, I will tell you about it. And I don't need those looks and reminders that "Well, you know, when it comes down to it, all that really matters is it's healthy." Over and over and over. And over.

I also don't need to be treated like I'm going to not love my child if it's another girl. Because, when it comes down to it, I want THIS baby that I am carrying. If, when she's born, God appears before me and says, "Damn, got your order wrong. Would you like me to take it back and fix that for you, free of charge?", I'm going to clutch her to me with tears in my eyes and beg, "No, Lord, please don't take my baby from me! She is perfect!"

I don't need to be lectured about ~what matters~. I am a mother; I know what matters. I don't need folks acting like I'm a bad activist, woman, or parent. I don't need my friends or family hiding behind anonymity to ask if I am going to treat the new one or the older ones any differently, or if I'm going to love it any less if it's not, or if this means I really don't buy into gender equality. I don't need strangers at work giving me nasty looks &/or lectures for admitting that I have a preference.

I am human.

I have a half-brother, but I never grew up with him. I grew up around all girls. I am curious. And I love my husband, and I would love to see what kind of son we produce together. We have great girls! I just wonder. If Josh didn't want this one to be the last, I wouldn't care. But, yes, I would like to have a son one day. That's all.

And it's not really a bad thing. It's a human thing. For me, anyway. It's part and parcel of this particular experience, and I simply acknowledge it. I have always answered every question honestly. The main question people ask is "Do you know what you're having?" So if we get into a discussion about why I like the surprise, and yes, I have kids, two other daughters, and yeah, we're hoping this one's a boy this time...

Smile and say, "Oh, that'd be nice!" or "Hope you get one!" or "Good luck!" or just plain smile and nod. But drop the looks of disdain. And if you can't, then stop freaking asking those questions! Because I'm not going to give some trite PC answer that doesn't at all reflect this particular experience. I'm owning it. It's fine. Really.

Boy, she'll have a fit if she ever goes back and reads this post.
Tags: family, maya, me, mo, parenting, pregnancy
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