Ahavah Ehyeh (ahavah) wrote,
Ahavah Ehyeh

Artist's Way: Week 2 Check-In

Sorry I'm late! If you saw my other post this week, you know it was a rough one for me. Technically my Week 3 started yesterday for me, but I lost internet for half the day (the half I have the most time in), so I'm behind on both AW and my new meme.

Oh, and I'm still not getting LJ notifications, though I've put in a support request now since it's been two days. If I have missed anything important, please link or nudge me.

I'm sad to report that I have only done one of the writing prompts you awesome folks have left me. I have written a story based on beadalley's prompt (I will post replies/links in the prompt post once I have done them all, because I don't want to see the other prompts). In the spirit of honesty, I will say that I attempted to do a belated Artist's Date last night and opened up mrsgirlyduck's prompt, started my 90 min. timer, found a youtube playlist that fit the prompt mood, and started doing some research for the idea it gave me...but it was after 11:30, and apparently I fell asleep sitting up at the computer. I will re-try tonight, but it will have to be after the kids go to bed or if Josh can take over fully for an hour and a half without interruption. It's "cheating" as far as flash challenges go, but I'm going to try not to brainstorm on it at all until then and restart the timer at the last time I remember seeing it.

Keeping with my goal of knocking out flash stories as much as possible. It will happen for me. Josh was just kind of sick most of the week, and he ended up not being able to help at all (like, working all day, barely strong or awake enough to try to eat, and then passing out at 6 or 6:30 for several days). So gonna try for more this week. Josh is able to eat a little better now, finally. Maybe he'll have more energy so that I can get a kid-break once or twice.

I did most of the exercises. My life-pie had almost all of them in the crap zone, whereas at least some are usually better. I did my list of things I enjoy on Thursday, the last day, so I chose two items that I had already made time for as my "will do these this week" thing: taking a walk and watching my shows (I rarely get the remote around here, so that's one benefit to Josh going to bed way early. Ha). Then I decided to choose two more to focus on this week, because I need to be mindful and not just, "Oh, I did that already this week". So my goals this week will be Writing and Artist Dates. Which was supposed to be last week's goal, but I'm diligent in my attempts, at least.

Week 2 check-in questions:

How many days this week did you do your morning pages. How was the experience?

4/7 – it was a rough week, but writing a lot of it out was extremely helpful for me. I thought I had done more days than that, but there were a couple of days there where I was just SO, SO tired (part of the depression, I'm sure, as that is very common for me) and I went back to bed after Josh left for work instead of staying up and having my "me time" until the kids wake. I had two or three days where I really just slept a lot of the day away, or laid around sad and useless. It's improved since I talked with Josh and shared here though. I know the love and prayers helped, so thank you.

Did you do your artist date? What did you do? How did it feel?

No, I'm sad to say that I didn't. I kept trying. I did not have the time or help. I am really going to try to do a "make up" artist date today. Not a real date, probably, but 90 mins of uninterrupted writing, at least. If that doesn't happen today, because we do have some things we have to do today, then I will go to the cafe for a few hours tomorrow and make it so.

I still have my week 3 date to do as well. Since 1 & 2 were simply a block of uninterrupted writing time, I don't want that to be the same every week. I do need to get out and recharge the creative battery. I had really wanted to go see Magic Mike, which is playing at the drive in tonight, since my inner artist enjoys both men and dancing and really deserves a strip show since Josh won't help out there. However, we're always broke at the end of the month and it seems creepy to go alone. Heh. I'm glad to be taking walks again, and one thing I really enjoy but rarely do is just go for a nice walk with my camera and take some nature pics, but I still can't find my battery charger cord. And I have looked EVERYWHERE. I'm starting to really worry that Maya might have thrown it in the burn box or something and nobody noticed. It theoretically should be here somewhere, but I've cleaned the area where I kept everything – and we cleaned the whole rest of the house for company last weekend – but no luck. I wish I had neat shops or museums around here. I do miss the Asheville art scene, oh so much.

Were there any issues that you consider significant for your recovery? Describe them.

Well, I did finally manage to put words to the darkness that's been engulfing me (<--- pretty much trigger warned for damn near everything), but I don't think that really helps my recovery as an artist in any way. That particular issue(s?) had been something that I'd been having trouble conveying, or even fully focusing on for my own understanding, so the ability to get that out both verbally with the family and in writing here was a long-overdue step. However, if I'm really honest, I have to admit that I actually do most of my best writing when I'm all angsty and dark. If I'm able to write, that is. I guess one story is more than I had gotten in a long while, so perhaps it's progress, even if it wasn't as much progress as I'd aimed for.

My issue seems to be a time issue mostly. Josh is very emotionally supportive of my writing, but he has a very hard, physical job out in the sun all day now, and he hasn't hardly been able to eat in a month and a half (he's never been a thick guy to begin with, even if he'd gained a bit of weight there when not working, but still, he's dropped like 15-20 lbs in a little over a month. It bothers the hell out of me.), so the fact is that his health and well-being come first right now. He's been very snappish, sluggish, and tired. We're all working on that together. But he comes home all worn out and isn't much help anymore with regards to the kids or the house, and the house got especially bad there with the heat/no AC and my depression both making me basically lie around and do very little all day. We all are trying to get back on track this week, but, yeah, my stories are what gets pushed back when more important life stuff is happening. And I do consider it very important, especially since I'm really wanting to start publishing so I can help bring in some extra cash while still staying home with the kids. Josh wants that too. This week just didn't work out as much as we'd hoped. I'm filling Josh with extra protein now though, since he's finally able to start eating some (soft) solids more. Hopefully we can get his health and energy back up, because he's always been a very fabulous partner who's glad to help with the kids & house even if he is working. And it's a big help when he does.

Maybe it's the angst and anguish, but I've found myself wanting to read poetry again. I've been avoiding it, for some reason, and this week has helped in that I realized I WAS avoiding it, and I miss it. So I want to look into that more this week. I'm finally officially "back" on LJ, but I haven't resumed my weekly posting to dailyrumi every Wednesday. I'm going to dust off my Rumi books and make sure I do that this week. Assuming that I can realize which day is Wednesday before it's over, which has been my issue lately. I also picked up The Book of Virtues from the library yesterday. It seems to have some poetry in it, if my quick perusal was correct, and I am in need of embodying virtues lately. I'm going to really try to fit in reading time. Maybe writing is so hard because I just don't read anymore. Internet doesn't count. I need pages between my fingers. It's hard to really feel a whole poem if you're not touching it, or you can only see a small part of it on the screen at once. If I'm needing poetry again, then that means I'm needing to feel, see, and smell it. Hell, I'll lick it if it's juicy and the spirit urges.

So, not the best week, but not a really bad one either. How did yours go?
Tags: artists way, friends, grief, healing, poetry, writing

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