How many days did you do our morning pages? Are you starting to like them – at all? ... Have you discovered the page-and-a-half truth point yet?
Since this one really took me about a week and a half, it's more like 6/10. Some of those were awfully short due to particularly bad elbow pain that day. I actually really wasn't enjoying them at all, probably because of the arm thing, but I rested it a lot over the weekend and all this week, and I'm having a much easier time. I found that I looked forward to getting back to morning pages this morning, which is my start of Week 6 now. No real “truth points”, but a page-and-a-half is about as much as I was getting going most of the time before I had to stop and rest.
Did you do your artist date? Have you had the experience of hearing answers during this leisure time? What did you do? Have you taken an artist date yet that really felt adventurous?
We had computer issues, tire issues, crunched tail light issues, arm issues, birthday, free clinic, and sickness issues for my whole Week 5, so I didn't get to do anything especially special this week. Josh got the backup computer working and I cleaned it off as best as I could. Once it was working to get online, I spent two hours or so reading my f-list instead of doing my homework, so that's probably as close to my artist date as I came all week. I did splurge on sushi when we went to Rolla, but I didn't get to get out by myself and enjoy it as I'd hoped. Two orders to go at 9 pm, with a soy mishap in the truck...living the life.
Interestingly enough, I've definitely felt a creative block loosen. I think it has to do with reading fiction again, which I've been doing for my class. Or maybe it's just that I have to read novels and stories by other people, so now I'm itching to work on my own. Even though I don't have a lot of time with this crappy computer and my class readings. I need to start squeezing in 15 mins a day, I think.
Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?
I did! I found all of those awesome courses at Coursera.org. I'm really enjoying taking college-level courses again, even if it's not for credit. “Soaking my sponge”, as we've come to call it around here.
I also found that I stressed quite a bit about money issues, and leading into Week 6 is a focus on money and abundance. I definitely need work there.
Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery? Describe them.
I procrastinated on doing the tasks, which really didn't interest me. Once I sat down and forced myself to do them, though, I found that I had more to say on most of the subjects than I'd realized. I was doing a lot of self-blame and biting down on some problems I have with some things some family members have said in the past. I was trying not to pay it any attention, but their words did hurt and I allowed it to shut me down. I've also realized that most of my issues are with feelings of failure and general not being good enough. I used to have so much self-confidence, and it's been kind of eye-opening to see how badly I really think of myself now. That's definitely something I need to consciously work through.