Ahavah Ehyeh (ahavah) wrote,
Ahavah Ehyeh

A Quick Update

I'm trying to catch up on my writing/school work today. Those are my ONLY goals today, heavily focusing on writing, so I'm not really playing online & may not get around to comments and stuff until Sunday. Maybe tomorrow, but tomorrow kind of sucks already, so I'll play it by ear. We'll see. My overdue journey write-up this morning was cathartic and I'm feeling relatively okay today, but I have a feeling tomorrow will be pretty hard on me.

- Anyway, as mentioned, I did finally write up my most recent (Owl) journey, as promised, so if you can't see it here and want to be on the shamanism filter, let me know and I'll add you. Or if you want off, let me know. No harm, no foul. (J.B. – I added you already because I know you were curious about the owls too. Hope I didn't assume too much, and if the filter makes you uncomfortable or anything, let me know.)

- I have a new job! I started last Saturday, and I will only be working Saturdays, and only 4.5 hrs at that. But I'll also act as a sub for the other worker, so I'll pick up a few extra Sundays a month whenever her fiance is in town for the weekend and any time she gets sick. I'm doing in-home care again, which is what I used to do long ago back in NC. SO, SO glad that it's not another crappy cashier/min wage job. Finally getting some real contacts & hopefully good references. And I'll finally be bringing some extra money into the house, which is more just a symbolic thing since 4 hrs a week ain't much, but I've been very touchy about that ever since my fight with Josh, so that's a huge, awesome step for my self-esteem.

- Josh also finally agreed to rehome Sasha. I truly hate having to do that, but nothing else worked and she was just destroying our farm. And a goodly portion of our marriage. We found her what seems like a really great home, and he traded us for 7 meat rabbits with cages (and extra cages!), which we've been discussing for two years now. I'm really excited about that! And Josh has also agreed to replace my decimated flock this year, and I've put in requests for lots of seed catalogues, and THIS is the year that we get farmtastic and shit starts working for us again. Maya is big enough to come outside and help, and she loves coming outside to help, so I'm really optimistic about this year's homesteading goals. And not quite so scared of the money problems anymore. We're still behind, and we've still not caught up since all that shit went down back in September, but we're climbing further and further out week by week. So that's promising.

- We are hoping that we can finally afford 2 used tires this week, which will (for real this time) be the first FULL paycheck Josh has gotten in like 6 weeks. Tires were dire, and it's killing us on gas too, and it's so dangerous that we're not going anywhere else unless absolutely necessary. So hopefully we can get tires, but that'll probably mean only a partial payment to the phone company if we still want gas & animal feed and whatnot, so if my internet disappears, well, I'll see you in a couple weeks.

- I went No Poo this week (natural cleaners instead of shampoo & conditioner), and I am loving it! I'm using a 1 tsp baking soda/1 cup water wash & 1 Tbs apple cider vinegar/1 c water rinse. I hope this will help with my dandruff issue, as some of my reading has led me to believe that my medicated shampoos might only be making it worse. It's not as bad as it used to be, but I really want to quit the mega-chemical, mega-expensive shampoos. I can't really afford the medicated shampoos atm, especially since Josh and I both require two separate ones. But, hey, a 69 cent box of baking soda is a lot cheaper than a $6 bottle of selsun blue, and I also use BS for other stuff, so I'm hoping it keeps working. I know to expect a detox-period on my hair, which I don't know how long that will last, but I don't mind guinea-pigging on myself. I'm astounded by the changes in my hair after just one wash! I'll be doing my second no poo wash tonight. (Update - way less hair lost in the shower drain! Astounding, mind-boggling difference. I am majorly impressed right now.)

- Besides just no poo, I've been doing a lot of reading about hair these past couple of months, with a particular focus on hair & religion (which led to some pretty awesome theories about hair & energy that I will also be experimenting with) and women's hair as a means of control. Maybe it's a mid-life (one-third life? Heh) crisis, but after my huge fight with Josh, I've decided that I need to reclaim my own autonomy and finally do something wild with my hair. Especially since there is very little wild/individuality/acceptance around here locally, and I am chafing at it badly. I was waffling between a mohawk, dreads (or a dreadhawk!), or Elvis-hair, but I'm set on dreads now after all of my reading. I want to wait until my no poo detox is complete, but I also really wanted to do it Saturday so that I could have something positive going on for Achaiah's deathiversary. You probably know how bad I am with deathiversaries. And maybe it's stupid, but Achaiah's loss is hitting me even worse than mom these days. Guess after five years (this May), I'm numb to it, but then all that numbness shattered when Achaiah died in my arms. Especially after losing my Medicine Bag that had a lock of both of their hair in it, I just FREAKED. Josh found it for me (after two days of being gone), thank God, but I'm still shaky over that. I'm really kind of nervous about how I'll do at my second day of work tomorrow. I know it's irrational, but I can't help it. It broke open stuff I worked so hard to pack down and 'get over' for years. So anyway, after work tomorrow, I plan to start my two ear-dreads like I used to have so long ago. It'll be the official start of my dread journey and make it a more happyversary. Josh, who didn't really like the idea at first (but as I felt about him at that time, that was just incentive, tbh), is now absolutely 100% supportive. I'll try to do a better post about that in the future, as there is some pretty interesting stuff that I'd like to share & explore, but later when I have better time to devote to it.

- I went to the free clinic to get my leg lumps checked out. Doc tried to blow me off, but I put my foot down, and he said he'd give me a referral to their surgeon, though I still haven't heard from them. I'll keep going (esp. if we get tires – it's almost a 2 hr drive one way) until I get to the bottom of it though! He thinks the huge one is just aggravated scar tissues and the little ones that keep cropping up are just aggravated/infected follicles, so he just poked it a bunch (which hurt) & told me to stop shaving my legs. Anyway, I at least want the huge one biopsied, as it keeps getting bigger, more tender, and darker, and I've had AT LEAST 6 people in my family with cancer. I've been freaking out, but I won't let him brush me off. Did stop shaving though. Eh, just deleted a rather big tangent. That'll be covered in my hair post, whenever I manage to get to it. Obviously it ties into social/cultural control of women, and quite possibly my spiritual/energetic experiments with hair and my body, so even though I'm actually more comfortable shaving, I'm doing my best to embrace it and work through some of my body issues. So I'll be the lone hairy, dready, hippie chick around the whole area, and one of my local friends warned me to “be ready to lose everything”, which I originally thought was melodramatic but now really believe. Weirdly enough, that's also just more incentive.

- Also found out when I went to the doc that I've FINALLY broken through my 8-month plateau and lost 4 pounds! It's about damned time. I've only been trying so hard to lose this baby weight for over a year now. My baby's not a baby anymore! She's talking back, helping feed the animals in the morning, and absolutely loves carrying the basket outside to help me get laundry. She'd carry it in if she could lift it. So, yeah, 'baby weight' is long overdue, and I fell off the wagon with diet and exercise right around the time things started getting too overwhelming for me, back in September. So let's go ahead and give credit where credit is due, cause it sure as hell wasn't months of healthy meal plans and exercise. Let's instead give a tiny woot to the too-depressed-to-fucking-eat diet. woot.

- There is an almost-local writers group that I'm in now. Most folks are actually based in said town 2 hrs away, but they're willing to hop around for those of us who live far away. I tried creating a local one here, both all year writing and trying NaNo meet-ups every single November that I've been here, but all attempts have failed miserably, so just gotta make the drive. I'm glad to be connecting with other writers though. I've missed it, and I've needed it. Cautiously optimistic.

- I have been invited to do a guest blog post about doulas! Seems like a start in a good direction. This week has been too busy and stressful for me to devote any time to it yet, but I've been thinking and looking at her blog more closely, and I'm going to try to start that article today.

- I've only written two more days on Neon Giraffe. JaNoWriMo was a massive failure for me. I will try to write as much as I can today and tomorrow. Achaiah is one of my MCs and this was supposed to be a way to honor her this month, so hopefully I can channel some of my emotion & energy into a more productive outlet and write this damned book. I WILL write this book! I am writing this book. If I don't celebrate an awesome wordcount today, smack me upside the damned head! I am trying so hard to get my shit together.

- Oh, I broke up with Flylady. That would probably be a big, angry post in and of itself that not too many people would care about, but since I've been on the flywagon for over a decade, it's worth at least mentioning in passing.

- Josh and I have been okay. He's still apologizing and trying to make things up to me, even though I told him weeks ago that he didn't have to keep apologizing as I accepted the first heartfelt one. I'm glad things are okay though. Everyone's (mostly) been really mindful about what we're putting out in our home. We've all been happier and trying not to fight or yell so much. Not always succeeding, but trying. That's really, really good.

- Did I say “quick” update? Sorry about that! I can do almost 2k words in a journal entry easy as pie, but getting 2k in my novel takes 3 weeks. Yeah. That's changing too.

- I promised myself that I would write these overdue blog posts as a warmup, but I couldn't post them until I'd done at least another thousand words on my novel. Sprints started at 11, so I was going to visit with Josh on his lunch break and then jump in on sprints. He threw his back out again at work & they sent him home. Emergency chiropractor visit + pay day shopping + feeding critters/farm chores + dinner + shower means I got NO writing done today on my 'writing day'. Yeah. That just keeps happening. Tomorrow, after work anyway, will be a ME day. It's already been declared, Josh is off work, I have sacred space & writing to revel in. This is my weekend. It's happening.
Tags: achaiah, dreadlocks, family, farm, health, life, marriage, me, mo, mom, nanowrimo, neon giraffe, reiki, spirit, women, writing
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