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Eden Memories

It pains me that I remember so little of the earlier years of my daughters' lives. I used to have a great many memories, but I've lost them at a scary pace. I hope to get them back.

Eden's 13 now. She's as tall as me if not a smidgen taller, and if she's not just yet, it's certainly not for lack of trying. She's a great artist, and since she could hold a pen (or sharpie – I remember that one), she's drawn regular pictures for me and Josh, but especially me. A while back I made the observation that she hadn't given me one in a while, and she had an awesome one for me before the end of the day. They're coming regularly again. Art is her love language.

I wish I could remember more of her babyhood. What I do remember is mostly random moment of her bright smile, starting as a milk-sotted, sleeping infant, a baby seeing me or Josh enter the room, a toddler giggling as my mom did horsey with her or as Achaiah licked her face, the sure smile as she handed me another lovely drawing.

I do remember that we started every single day of her life with cuddle time. Up until she was 10 or 11, I think every day with all of them started as cuddle time. Maya's still begins that way, but the big girls seem to have aged out. It makes me glad that they're always so quick to come ask for a cuddle whenever they need one, though.

Her first word was “Dada”, if I'm not mistaken. I remember a time she said it, but I'm not sure if it was the time she said it. I remember letting her practice walking back and forth down my legs as I sat with feet propped on a stool, but I don't remember her first step. I do remember her first tooth, though not when she lost it. I remember that it started coming up at 2 months, and no one believed us at first, but it kept coming up and going back down again and again for months and months and months. She teethed forever over that one stupid front bottom tooth. Forever.

I was just glad she wasn't born with teeth. Josh was, and I remember being pretty nervous about that with our first kiddo.

I remember how I prayed to know the moment her soul entered her body, and there was one point right before she was born when time slowed to a stop and the whole world turned sparkly.

I remember seeing her float away between my legs in the water, and how it was the most intense feeling of separation that I'd ever had. And I'd had many.

And I remember holding her for the first time, and the look on Josh's face as he kissed my head and held us both. I do have a picture just after that moment that helps me remember, though.

I remember and can plainly see fleeting visions of a million hugs. I guess I remember the important parts.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 13th, 2016 03:14 am (UTC)

Sleep deprivation is to blame. My kids' lives as very small Ppl is a blurr.


Oct. 13th, 2016 12:49 pm (UTC)
Sadly, no, that's not it. I've been dealing with some critical memory issues for the last several years, though they've not yet found the cause of it. But I didn't have sleep deprivation when my kids were young. I'm just losing all of my memories at an astounding rate.

Eden, like me, is a sleeper, and she can still happily sleep 12+ hours at a stretch. Ivy was an early riser, but she, too, slept through the night with the exception of maybe two nights where she had colic. I always had dream babies, although I do contribute a lot of my well-restedness to nursing & bedsharing.
Oct. 14th, 2016 05:37 pm (UTC)
This post is so sweet! Thank you for sharing these memories and feelings.
Sometimes you may feel like life slips through your fingers and the past is distant and buried, and regret not taking more pictures or writing more in your diary about your ordinary day, but I guess what matters most is that you are there for your daughters, sharing experiences with them in the present. That is something priceless.
Oct. 14th, 2016 11:57 pm (UTC)
Very wise words. Thanks so much!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )