Ahavah Ehyeh (ahavah) wrote,
Ahavah Ehyeh
ahavah

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Eden Memories

It pains me that I remember so little of the earlier years of my daughters' lives. I used to have a great many memories, but I've lost them at a scary pace. I hope to get them back.

Eden's 13 now. She's as tall as me if not a smidgen taller, and if she's not just yet, it's certainly not for lack of trying. She's a great artist, and since she could hold a pen (or sharpie – I remember that one), she's drawn regular pictures for me and Josh, but especially me. A while back I made the observation that she hadn't given me one in a while, and she had an awesome one for me before the end of the day. They're coming regularly again. Art is her love language.

I wish I could remember more of her babyhood. What I do remember is mostly random moment of her bright smile, starting as a milk-sotted, sleeping infant, a baby seeing me or Josh enter the room, a toddler giggling as my mom did horsey with her or as Achaiah licked her face, the sure smile as she handed me another lovely drawing.

I do remember that we started every single day of her life with cuddle time. Up until she was 10 or 11, I think every day with all of them started as cuddle time. Maya's still begins that way, but the big girls seem to have aged out. It makes me glad that they're always so quick to come ask for a cuddle whenever they need one, though.

Her first word was “Dada”, if I'm not mistaken. I remember a time she said it, but I'm not sure if it was the time she said it. I remember letting her practice walking back and forth down my legs as I sat with feet propped on a stool, but I don't remember her first step. I do remember her first tooth, though not when she lost it. I remember that it started coming up at 2 months, and no one believed us at first, but it kept coming up and going back down again and again for months and months and months. She teethed forever over that one stupid front bottom tooth. Forever.

I was just glad she wasn't born with teeth. Josh was, and I remember being pretty nervous about that with our first kiddo.

I remember how I prayed to know the moment her soul entered her body, and there was one point right before she was born when time slowed to a stop and the whole world turned sparkly.

I remember seeing her float away between my legs in the water, and how it was the most intense feeling of separation that I'd ever had. And I'd had many.

And I remember holding her for the first time, and the look on Josh's face as he kissed my head and held us both. I do have a picture just after that moment that helps me remember, though.

I remember and can plainly see fleeting visions of a million hugs. I guess I remember the important parts.
Tags: eden, memories, sharing my sacred
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