I'm really struggling lately, and I'm not sure why. Part of it is having no friends. I do have one friend, who is a life-saver, and I have Josh, but he can't be everything for me.
I guess it hurts because I thought I had more friends. Ever since I quit facebook, no one talks to me anymore. I've tried emailing people, even family, and I get nothing but one-liners in response. I tried getting together with people who used to be my friends, but I either get blown off or not responded to at all. Two people whom I really, really liked seemed to stop being my friend after I 'came out' to them (like two years ago), which gets me pretty upset when I think about it.
I think part of my problem is that I'm just so rural. I'm an hour or more from anyone or anything, and we have no heat in our truck, so that hour drive is miserable. Yet I do it all the time to try to get out of the house, stave off cabin fever, visit my one friend, visit the gym (I keep hearing physical activity is supposed to help...), do all our shopping, and now Christmas shopping as well. I'm about to stop making that drive all the time, and then I'll be stuck here with no contact to the outside world anymore. I doubt that will help.
Maybe some of it is coming down off the NaNoWriMo high. And some may be the frustrating fact that no Doberman breeders will respond to me in my eternal search for a service dog. Maybe some is that we're getting closer to my Momma's birthday, and I always think of her more in May & December. And my sister Lyz. Dear God, how I miss my sister! I miss my brother, too, but I never had him, sad to say. I'm used to missing him.
Anyway, I just don't get it. I'm still eager to revise and work on my book. I'm excited about learning guitar and these other Coursera courses I'm taking. I cuddle and play with my kids. I color, train & play with the dog, attempt to read, reiki self-healings, etc. I know logically that I like these things and they should make me happy. But I just want to cry all the time anymore. And I had some new medicine that was seriously helping, and it's like it just suddenly stopped one day.
What do you do when you don't want to do anything, but you can't go on like this? I've tried all the things that make me happy. I can't even concentrate on reading anymore! I've been cleaning the house more, hoping that would help. I try to be productive. I try to write, but it's all sucking because my brain won't work again. It keeps me from crying in bed all day, but it doesn't help, you know? None of my usual happy-things are helping. I can't go explore new things because we're too far away/too cold/too broke. I could seriously use some guidance and suggestions. I'm literally at the point where I don't know what to do, but I can't go on like this.
Maybe there's nothing I can do. Maybe this is just how I'll spend this life and I should learn to deal with it, happily or not.
I am open to suggestions &/or humorous things guaranteed to improve one's mood.
I guess it hurts because I thought I had more friends. Ever since I quit facebook, no one talks to me anymore. I've tried emailing people, even family, and I get nothing but one-liners in response. I tried getting together with people who used to be my friends, but I either get blown off or not responded to at all. Two people whom I really, really liked seemed to stop being my friend after I 'came out' to them (like two years ago), which gets me pretty upset when I think about it.
I think part of my problem is that I'm just so rural. I'm an hour or more from anyone or anything, and we have no heat in our truck, so that hour drive is miserable. Yet I do it all the time to try to get out of the house, stave off cabin fever, visit my one friend, visit the gym (I keep hearing physical activity is supposed to help...), do all our shopping, and now Christmas shopping as well. I'm about to stop making that drive all the time, and then I'll be stuck here with no contact to the outside world anymore. I doubt that will help.
Maybe some of it is coming down off the NaNoWriMo high. And some may be the frustrating fact that no Doberman breeders will respond to me in my eternal search for a service dog. Maybe some is that we're getting closer to my Momma's birthday, and I always think of her more in May & December. And my sister Lyz. Dear God, how I miss my sister! I miss my brother, too, but I never had him, sad to say. I'm used to missing him.
Anyway, I just don't get it. I'm still eager to revise and work on my book. I'm excited about learning guitar and these other Coursera courses I'm taking. I cuddle and play with my kids. I color, train & play with the dog, attempt to read, reiki self-healings, etc. I know logically that I like these things and they should make me happy. But I just want to cry all the time anymore. And I had some new medicine that was seriously helping, and it's like it just suddenly stopped one day.
What do you do when you don't want to do anything, but you can't go on like this? I've tried all the things that make me happy. I can't even concentrate on reading anymore! I've been cleaning the house more, hoping that would help. I try to be productive. I try to write, but it's all sucking because my brain won't work again. It keeps me from crying in bed all day, but it doesn't help, you know? None of my usual happy-things are helping. I can't go explore new things because we're too far away/too cold/too broke. I could seriously use some guidance and suggestions. I'm literally at the point where I don't know what to do, but I can't go on like this.
Maybe there's nothing I can do. Maybe this is just how I'll spend this life and I should learn to deal with it, happily or not.
I am open to suggestions &/or humorous things guaranteed to improve one's mood.
- Current Mood:despondent
Comments
Don't give up, don't give in, give your self a break. You don't have to be happy all the time.
It does sound like you are functioning which is better than shutting yourself up in your bedroom for days at a time.
The dark time of the year is hard for lots of us humans but soon we'll be at the Solstice and the Light will start growing again. Focusing on what's right in your life can be a good thing and has helped me a lot. There's always something to be grateful for.
Sending you Love, Strength and a positive HUG.
I try to look forward to the Solstice and Christmas, but solstice often falls on my mom's birthday (22nd), so that's actually an extra-dark time for me. I try to be aware of it and do extra self-care, but it's not working this year. I sound like a big whiner, but besides the hubby and kids, there's actually nothing good in my life to focus on. That's part of the problem for sure. We're working on it though. I'll just keep focusing on the family and trying not to check out entirely.
Thanks for all the love! It's definitely appreciated.
Right now I live in an area where I don't know too many people locally but I do have a couple of friends that I can get together with on occasion. I definitely think having at least one person outside your immediate household you can count on to call or go see or grab a coffee with is key. You said you have one friend. Can you call her more often or get together more often than you do? I know the weather is getting colder but I find even just getting outside for a little bit each day for a walk or something helps clear the head.
I know you said FB isn't good for you but would it be possible to limit your friends list to people you know are drama free. There has to be a few active groups that you were in or could join that are drama free. While it isn't true human contact I do find many people are easier to contact through FB or texts than phone calls and visits.
My friend Faith and I have been trying to get together much more often lately. It's hard, because I live so far away from everywhere and I have no heat in my truck. But she came to my house Christmas Eve, and I'll be going to her place Monday, so that's nice. Her husband works one month on, one month off on a Mississippi barge, so I see her much more when he's gone.
Nah, I'm afraid I've given up on FB entirely. I *did* have it down to people who are no drama. But even the cool groups have gotten all sorts of crazy. FB just seems to bring out the worst in people. I have been trying to post here and read my f-list more often, though there aren't a lot of LJ people left. I may try finding a forum or something, but I've just been trying to focus on my novel and getting stuff done here at the house.
I hope things are well with you! Have a very happy New Year, and may 2017 be full of awesome and blessings! ♥
It must be hard for your friend to be alone for a month at a time. So while it isn't an ideal situation for either of you, I'm happy to know you are both making an effort to stay connected. I bet winters are the hardest too.