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BDSM

The December Meme Master Post can be found here. Please feel free to leave a question or topic!

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[personal profile] tjoel2 asks, “When and how did you come out about your BDSM/kink lifestyle to friends and family and what reactions did you get?”

I got into BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance/submission, sadomasochism) after Ivy was born. I had recently discovered Kushiel's Dart, and a friend sent me some links to some awesome Shibari pics (NSFW). A whole new world opened up. All that stuff is REAL?

Josh and I got busy exploring. It seriously helped me through my postpartum depression.

I 'came out' to my friends pretty much right away through Livejournal. In friends-locked posts, I started sharing about our discovery, though not (yet) through graphic scene reports. Just talking about kink and our experiences going to munches, that kind of thing. Turns out I have a lot of kinky friends, so it went over fairly well.

I really only told my sister as far as family was concerned. She was intrigued and pretty much had a “Good for you” outlook. Mom babysat while we went to munches and stuff, but we never actually told her what we were doing. Mom always had a weird outlook about sex. I guess she kind of found out, or at least enough to guess. Josh makes toys, and he had made a little kinky kit with like a flogger, cuffs, that kind of thing, for my sister for Christmas. We gave it to her privately, but she was living with mom at the time (as an adult, with her boyfriend) and mom apparently found the little bag. She pitched a fit, but I think she eventually realized how silly that was.

The only big problem I had was with my doula group. A supposed “friend”, who had been my mentor and whom I trusted, printed out some of my friends-locked posts and shared with the group. I did not know this at first. They called a meeting with me and the board members and threw all this at me, insisting that I stop my kinky activities or be booted from the group. I pointed out the fact that these were all PRIVATE, LOCKED posts about my private business, which was none of theirs and I would do as I pleased. I pointed out that all of my public posts were absolutely professional in every way. I also pointed out how ridiculous it was that they, as doulas, were not even slightly being sex positive.

They particularly took issue with this icon, which could be found on my journal if people really poked around enough. We ended up “compromising” by me deleting my journal address from my email's signature, which really bothered me since I did a lot of doula education and outreach through my blog. I deleted and blocked my 'friend'. Things were never the same in my doula group, and I left a while later.

Other than that, things were pretty great. I learned that most of the friends I already had were all kinky to some degree. I started making even more kinky friends. I eventually started a separate kink journal where I would write scene reports and post pictures, and it was very liberating and healing for me. I wish I still kept up with that journal, but as the years progressed, Josh slowly stopped being interested in kinky stuff. Now we rarely 'play' if at all, and it hurts my heart.

This post is public, because fuck all them.

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Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
adoptedwriter
Dec. 14th, 2017 01:30 am (UTC)
That’s a shame how your “ friend” treated you. That’s crappy.
ahavah
Dec. 14th, 2017 01:35 am (UTC)
Yeah, that was a pretty rough time for me. They really sucked the fun out of my doula work, too.
stonednonsense
Dec. 15th, 2017 03:17 am (UTC)
The last line was the best part for me! I love that sentiment so much ahahaha.

This entry was a fascinating read for me & I had to thank you for it. I've given polygamy a great deal of thought, so I can really appreciate your perspective.

Edited at 2017-12-15 03:21 am (UTC)
ahavah
Dec. 15th, 2017 12:35 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the read.

Do you mean polyamory? Polygamy is multiple marriages, which is illegal, but polyamory is multiple loves. I only learned that was an actual 'thing' after Josh and I were already together, too. Upon reading about it, I really believe I'm a polyamorist at heart. If anything ever happened between Josh and myself, any other relationships I had would be polyamorous. Josh and I kind of dabbled in it briefly, in a way, but it wasn't for him. Totally was for me though. :/
stonednonsense
Dec. 15th, 2017 10:36 pm (UTC)
Learn something new every day! You are correct thats exactly what I meant & have been using the wrong terminology lol oy. Thanks :)

You & I are in the exact same boat! I still cant tell if my husband is coming around to it or not... though he is warming up to the idea some. I find it confusing how many women are into it yet are waiting for men to catch up.

Edited at 2017-12-15 10:39 pm (UTC)
ahavah
Dec. 15th, 2017 10:47 pm (UTC)
I hope that he comes around to the idea! Even though I warned Josh that first forays tend to be disastrous (from lots of anecdotes I've read), ours did not end well and he said never again. I had talked him into it and he ended up hurt. So I guess my advice would just be to read and learn a lot together but don't push. Hopefully it will work out for you.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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