Ahavah Ehyeh (ahavah) wrote,
Ahavah Ehyeh
ahavah

BDSM

The December Meme Master Post can be found here. Please feel free to leave a question or topic!

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[personal profile] tjoel2 asks, “When and how did you come out about your BDSM/kink lifestyle to friends and family and what reactions did you get?”

I got into BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance/submission, sadomasochism) after Ivy was born. I had recently discovered Kushiel's Dart, and a friend sent me some links to some awesome Shibari pics (NSFW). A whole new world opened up. All that stuff is REAL?

Josh and I got busy exploring. It seriously helped me through my postpartum depression.

I 'came out' to my friends pretty much right away through Livejournal. In friends-locked posts, I started sharing about our discovery, though not (yet) through graphic scene reports. Just talking about kink and our experiences going to munches, that kind of thing. Turns out I have a lot of kinky friends, so it went over fairly well.

I really only told my sister as far as family was concerned. She was intrigued and pretty much had a “Good for you” outlook. Mom babysat while we went to munches and stuff, but we never actually told her what we were doing. Mom always had a weird outlook about sex. I guess she kind of found out, or at least enough to guess. Josh makes toys, and he had made a little kinky kit with like a flogger, cuffs, that kind of thing, for my sister for Christmas. We gave it to her privately, but she was living with mom at the time (as an adult, with her boyfriend) and mom apparently found the little bag. She pitched a fit, but I think she eventually realized how silly that was.

The only big problem I had was with my doula group. A supposed “friend”, who had been my mentor and whom I trusted, printed out some of my friends-locked posts and shared with the group. I did not know this at first. They called a meeting with me and the board members and threw all this at me, insisting that I stop my kinky activities or be booted from the group. I pointed out the fact that these were all PRIVATE, LOCKED posts about my private business, which was none of theirs and I would do as I pleased. I pointed out that all of my public posts were absolutely professional in every way. I also pointed out how ridiculous it was that they, as doulas, were not even slightly being sex positive.

They particularly took issue with this icon, which could be found on my journal if people really poked around enough. We ended up “compromising” by me deleting my journal address from my email's signature, which really bothered me since I did a lot of doula education and outreach through my blog. I deleted and blocked my 'friend'. Things were never the same in my doula group, and I left a while later.

Other than that, things were pretty great. I learned that most of the friends I already had were all kinky to some degree. I started making even more kinky friends. I eventually started a separate kink journal where I would write scene reports and post pictures, and it was very liberating and healing for me. I wish I still kept up with that journal, but as the years progressed, Josh slowly stopped being interested in kinky stuff. Now we rarely 'play' if at all, and it hurts my heart.

This post is public, because fuck all them.
Tags: kink, life
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