I was so afraid to go to sleep last night. I asked Josh if we could sleep in shifts, but he didn't care for that idea. I knew I was being irrational, but that's part of why it's irrational - I just couldn't help it. All day yesterday, any time she waved her arms or started nodding her head, I'd run to her, all scared with my heart pounding. Josh keeps telling me to release it and quit putting it out there, see her as healed and whole. And I do - I've been doing so much prayer/visualizing/reiki work. It's just...hard.
But this morning she woke up, early as ever, doing the normal morning things - crawling all over mine & Josh's heads, trying to look out the window, screeching when I didn't get her up fast enough, pooping massively... I have to admit that, even though it was butt-crack of dawn early, it made my heart soar.
I'm still nervous. I can't help it. I'm watching anxiously for her to show all of the developmental milestones that she had already. I'm so afraid that she's been hurt worse than we know, or set back. I mean, even though I see her running after sissy and laughing and squealing, I just can't shake that image of Josh holding her rigid body, her foaming at the mouth. How can you just shake that off? I know baby's are resilient, but...damn.
Ivy Stuff I've Seen & Rejoiced Over
* "Good Girl" - her favorite phrase, and the first thing she said after she roused from her seizure stupor.
* Smiling, laughing, squealing
* Blowing kisses
* Sticking out her tongue and blowing a 'raspberry'
* "Boo-boo" (that would be 'grandma')
Ivy Stuff I'm Still Diligently Watching For:
* Dancing (ok, it's more bouncing, but we'll just say she got her mama's sense of rhythm)
* Taking a step (this was still new, and since she's cruising so well, I'm hoping she's just been too tired/drained to do it on her own)
* Picking up little things (she was eating goldfish, but I'm not sure that counts)
* Fake coughing (her new favorite sound)
* Holding her own water bottle (I'm holding off on this one, but we may try it today if she eats well)