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Warning: Online Pet Peeve Venting



My “For the Love of All Holiness, Please Don’t!” Peeve List


These are my peeves and not a personal attack on *anyone*. I love everybody on the internet.

1. “Forgive me if this is off-topic/inappropriate, please feel free to delete”

If it’s off-topic or inappropriate, then DON’T POST IT HERE! If you have to ask forgiveness in your very first sentence, then DON’T POST IT! And incidently, that should be a semi-colon and not a comma. Yes, I’m a grammar nazi. More on that later.

2. ”Hi, I’m sorry if this has been covered before, See 1. but how do you…"

Well first, you start by SCROLLING DOWN THE PAGE and seeing if the question was asked in the last two days. Surprise! In 7 out of 10 instances, it’s on the very same page as your question. Another 1/10 of the time, it can be found by checking the memories & tags.

3. RPGs:

a.) Do NOT write a post similar to:
Dork grunted and stretched, opening his eyes as the morning sunlight filtered into the cave. “Make me some tea,” he signed to the nearest woman, then strolled outside to relieve himself against his favorite tree. “Ursus, it’s sunny,” he thought as he watched his stream.

OK, if this is followed by a giant leopard jumping from the tree and mauling Dork across the face, then this is an acceptable opening. As decent writing, THIS SUCKS HAIRY NEANDERTHAL ASS! If your post doesn’t move the story along, write one that does.

b.) “Ok,” Nada answered, and went to make him some tea.

NOT A POST! “Yes” – Not a post! “Um, let me ask the Medicine Woman.” – Not a post! Cripes, people. It’s a *writing* group.

c.) Elvis sat around and twiddled his thumbs, because he didn’t know what to do until Amanda returned to respond to Post #57832

*blink* I said I was on hiatus, and puppet my characters. That’s permission, dipshit. And if someone doesn’t respond within 3 days anyway, continue posting and moving your characters along.

d.) Smokey and The Bandit were so excited about their wedding day. If only the Moderator would hurry up and arrive to begin the ceremony.

Please see #3. a), b), & c)

4. Discussion Boards:
a.) You write an intro post, asking for “Thoughts?” This develops into a whole debate thread on X vs. Y. You post back, “I’m at the point where I’m sorry I joined this group. I’m feeling picked on from every direction! I’m a victim! Woe!”

It’s a DISCUSSION GROUP and you asked for THOUGHTS. Especially since your post was just a springboard for actual *issues* that needed to be *discussed*. Next time, please specify “Thoughts (that agree with everything I’ve just posted)?”

b.) People who can’t delete the WHOLE ENTIRE DIGEST when replying.

c.) Jackasses who say, “Not to name any names, but…” and then go on to describe a specific person on the list in great, unquestionable detail.

5. “I disobeyed my Master. Please tell me what He [see below] should do to me. Sorry, I can’t give out the details.”

Please see #2. Also, consider reading a book, &/or finding a Master who can think (or look online/read a book himself).

6. “Master is gone, and i [see below] don’t know what to do! How do i get through the day without Him telling me what to do? It’s been so long since i thought for myself. Does anyone have a link for ‘How to Tie your Own Shoes’? Please, someone, what should i do all day?”

Begin by playing in traffic. Repeat as necessary.

7. Hello, my name is Amanda, and I’m a grammar/spelling nazi. Sorry.

First, don’t take it personally if you indulge in one (or all) of the following. I’ve just seen so many in a row that my head is going to explode. I’m fully aware that, despite being a grammar nazi, I suck at grammar. I realize much of my own writing makes others cringe. I switched from ‘Alright’ to ‘All right’ simply because a friend threatened death, so I’ve been there and done that.

a.1,2, &3) “I have 47.5 yrs experience in the lifestyle. All of My friends cower before My innate domliness. I’m planning a garage sale on Saturday, and I’ll be selling all of My fetish clothes, My golfclubs, and homemade cookies that My slave made. Please email Me privately if Y/you want to buy a cookie without nuts.”

1.) If the post is not BDSM related, MUST you really remind everyone how long you’ve been ‘in the lifestyle’ and what a Twue Dom you are?

2.) In any circumstances, but *especially* any that are NOT BDSM related, do you have to keep capitalizing Me/My/Mine? Newsflash: it’s not domly, it’s pompous.

3.) D/don’t E/ever T/type L/like T/this! F/for P/pete’s S/sake, Y/you C/could T/trigger S/someone’s S/seizures!

b.) This applies to ‘i’, too.

c.) “Alot”

TWO WORDS. ‘A’ and ‘lot’. This is the most common misspelling out there. It’s so rampant, my eyes actually *did* bleed by Email #712.

d.) “Masterbation.”

Folks, it’s ‘masturbation’. For an example of ‘Masterbation’, please see item 7.a.

e.) Typing,,,like,,,this,,,WTF,,,is,,,this,,,and,,,why,,,is,,,everyone,,,doing,,,it?

8. Posting many (or large) pics without an LJ cut.

This one other guy and I both still have dial-up. Please don’t crash our friends pages.

9. Posting “How do you do an LJ cut?”

You look in the FAQ, fucktard. I have the FAQ bookmarked. You should, too.

10. Asking me to put my entries behind a cut.

I do if there are pictures (always with one *thumbnail* teaser) or if I feel the subject matter may be questionable. I do that because I’m polite. If you don’t like what I’m typing, even the long ones (which I *do* occassionally cut, usually at whim), then don’t read my blog.

11. Reposting things without citing the author AND what e-list you got it from.

It’s not just rude, it’s plagiarism.

12. Not previewing your entry to see if the HTML is working. Or not spell-checking.

It’s just sloppy, and both take less than 2 minutes (even on dial-up).

13. Posting to **any** journal (other than your own) or community with a close-up dick-shot icon (or similar).

I’ve actually contemplated de-friending people because other readers use woogie-icons, that’s how much I hate this. Usually I like the blog owner too much to take it out on them & defriend, but I consider it *every single time*. Contrary to popular belief, no one wants your cock glaring at them from the computer screen. Trust me on this.

No, really.

Tags:

Comments

( 108 comments — Leave a comment )
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times_suspended
Aug. 28th, 2006 07:04 pm (UTC)
*Laughing hysterically* Okay. I seriously agree. With everything.
*continues laughing* You need to post this to the BDSM snark page.

Seriously.
Seriously.

LMAO
ahavah
Aug. 28th, 2006 07:12 pm (UTC)
Because I like you and value your opinion, it is done. :)

Thank you. I'm so very glad you enjoyed.
(no subject) - gregorysgirl - Aug. 28th, 2006 08:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Aug. 28th, 2006 09:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
*snerk* - ahavah - Aug. 29th, 2006 10:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
ne_penthe
Aug. 28th, 2006 07:15 pm (UTC)
Oh, I thank you!
I ::so:: needed a good laugh!
ahavah
Aug. 28th, 2006 07:24 pm (UTC)
Glad I could help!
:)

I'm glad you liked it. Thanks!
bulletslc
Aug. 28th, 2006 07:30 pm (UTC)
BWWWAAAAHAAAAHAAAA!!!!!! (ooooo, I think I peed myself....)

"d.) “Masterbation.”

Folks, it’s ‘masturbation’. For an example of ‘Masterbation’, please see item 7.a."


The above one was the BEST!!!

I SOOOOO lurve you!!!!!


ahavah
Aug. 28th, 2006 07:33 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHA! I love you, too!

That's also my favorite. It's been bouncing around in my head for a while now. I don't think so, but I hope I didn't inadvertantly steal it from someone else's snark (#11...)

*chuckle*
(Deleted comment)
ahavah
Aug. 28th, 2006 07:34 pm (UTC)
:-D
I'm so glad! Thank you!

I have to admit, I was really worried I might lose some friends if I posted this. I'm pleased to see it so well-received.
(Deleted comment)
Re: :-D - ahavah - Aug. 28th, 2006 07:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Re: :-D - ahavah - Aug. 28th, 2006 09:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Re: :-D - ahavah - Aug. 28th, 2006 07:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
nyxalinth
Aug. 28th, 2006 07:43 pm (UTC)
Agreed on all, especially this:

13. Posting to **any** journal (other than your own) or community with a close-up dick-shot icon (or similar).

I’ve actually contemplated de-friending people because other readers use woogie-icons, that’s how much I hate this. Usually I like the blog owner too much to take it out on them & defriend, but I consider it *every single time*. Contrary to popular belief, no one wants your cock glaring at them from the computer screen. Trust me on this.

No, really.

That's why I don't bother with most adult matchmakers, especially AFF, anymore.
ahavah
Aug. 28th, 2006 07:51 pm (UTC)
Oh gah, I know! It hurts! I actually don't have an AFF account, but this phenomenon seems rampant on LJ. One bozo can ruin a perfectly good journal. *sniffles*
(no subject) - nyxalinth - Aug. 28th, 2006 08:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - berryhappy - Aug. 28th, 2006 08:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Aug. 28th, 2006 10:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - berryhappy - Aug. 28th, 2006 10:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Aug. 28th, 2006 09:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - nyxalinth - Aug. 28th, 2006 09:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mc_questionmark - Aug. 29th, 2006 09:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Aug. 29th, 2006 10:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mc_questionmark - Aug. 29th, 2006 10:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
mysirensong
Aug. 28th, 2006 08:01 pm (UTC)
I had to basically stop chatting on IRC or any other chat programs because I couldn't stand the cap/uncap bullshit. I'm a person. I deserve a capital I. Plus, I'm basically just a spanko anyway. ;-)

Oh, and since you snagged it from me (willingly given, of course!), I decided to be your icon twin. We're like,,,,so cute,,,,like,,,OH MY GOD! (You want to beat me now, don't you?)

LOVE this rant. You rock, Chica.
ahavah
Aug. 28th, 2006 09:30 pm (UTC)
I always *knew* I had a twin out there...
I wanted to beat you, yes, but only until you told me how much I rock. :P

So glad you enjoyed!
angelofmysoul
Aug. 28th, 2006 08:05 pm (UTC)
that was rather amusing! though now I feel the need to go through my posts a litle more throughly before I post them, I know I make tons of grammatical errors.

hee hee... smile :) *huggs*
ahavah
Aug. 28th, 2006 09:31 pm (UTC)
All right! I'm making a difference in the world! ;)

LOL

I'm glad you liked it. Thank you! *hugs*
charv
Aug. 28th, 2006 08:23 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry if this offends you and is inappropriate, feel free to delete/screen. But ... I ... totally ... agree ... with ... alot! ... of what you say.:)

Okay, picking at a few of the mistakes I *don't* make ... except for the ... which drives me nuts!

I'd love to spellcheck, but the LJ checker doesn't work with my screen reader.:)
times_suspended
Aug. 28th, 2006 08:39 pm (UTC)
She may spank me for this.....
I'm sorry if this has been mentioned before, but I entirely understand how Y/you feel. If this offends Y/you, please feel free to screen. Personally, I can say that I am a Mistress with a bazilliongazilliontrillion years of experience and I enjoy candle lit back rubs and long gallops on my horse. Please appreciate my icon of my huge carrot, for your viewing pleasure entirely.
Re: She may spank me for this..... - ahavah - Aug. 28th, 2006 09:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Aug. 28th, 2006 09:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
deadlybuzz
Aug. 28th, 2006 08:35 pm (UTC)
Begin by playing in traffic.

I think I love you.
ahavah
Aug. 28th, 2006 09:46 pm (UTC)
Think? You mean you're still not sure? LOL I'll work on that.

Thanks. :)
(no subject) - deadlybuzz - Aug. 28th, 2006 09:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
glowfaeriejosie
Aug. 28th, 2006 08:38 pm (UTC)
too funny!! *hugz*

i tend to be a spelling nazi too, if not always a grammar nazi.
i admit to a few of these. the 'i' thing is mainly laziness for my part, and i capitalize 'D' to make it stand out since that's all i usually post of his name.

i also overuse ellipses... but at least they're not commas,,,that,,,i don't,,,get (hehe, sorry)
ahavah
Aug. 28th, 2006 09:50 pm (UTC)
Yeah, the 'i' thing makes me twitch, but I wasn't trying to pick on anyone. :P

I have to admit, I go ellipses happy, too. I just don't understand the comma thing. Even trying to do it just for the snark...it was so hard.

Glad you found my ranting amusing. Thank you!
yayhappens
Aug. 28th, 2006 08:40 pm (UTC)
Posting with consideration for others just goes out the window more often in communities, I have found.

When I'm reading my communities lots of things seem to make me aggro. The whole cut-tag thing and grammar whore thing for sure!

Do you keep a separate filter for communities only and LJ friends only or does it all get mish-moshed where you have to wade through all that stuff?

ahavah
Aug. 28th, 2006 09:53 pm (UTC)
I just read the ol' F-list. Responses all come to the same email, and I wade. I have a couple different emails that I use for different things, but yeah, maybe I should figure out how to use the filters. *blush* I just never really bothered with it. I totally forgot they have those. heh
foxbaby
Aug. 28th, 2006 08:41 pm (UTC)
hahaha #6 and #7 :)

Theoretically, is my crap grammar excused since English is not my first language?

btw Please email Me privately if Y/you want to buy a cookie without nuts. made me spit my coffee all over ze keyboard
berryhappy
Aug. 28th, 2006 08:44 pm (UTC)
*giggles* That line got me too.
(no subject) - ahavah - Aug. 28th, 2006 09:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - foxbaby - Aug. 28th, 2006 10:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ahavah - Aug. 29th, 2006 04:32 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mc_questionmark - Aug. 29th, 2006 09:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
berryhappy
Aug. 28th, 2006 08:44 pm (UTC)
*tear*
OMG!!!! *gasps for breath from laughing* Love, you have every right to feel angsty about that stuff. I would too.

I was almost laughing so hard at a couple things I had to stop reading for a minute. Honestly, you have a great point on all of them and I really, seriously don't blame you for posting this.

ahavah
Aug. 28th, 2006 09:59 pm (UTC)
Re: *tear*
OMG, I'm so glad to hear it! I was nervous about posting it. And I got more than one funny in? Hot damn, I'm improving!

Thank you very much. I have a huge head now (no pics; I'm no hypocrite *wink&)
Re: *tear* - berryhappy - Aug. 28th, 2006 10:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
hnurse
Aug. 28th, 2006 08:53 pm (UTC)
Wow. Feeling better!?
ahavah
Aug. 28th, 2006 10:14 pm (UTC)
Loads!

Especially since I think I've gotten more comments than I have ever before. Wowzer, indeed. lol
(no subject) - hnurse - Aug. 29th, 2006 04:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
And so are you --- *smootch!!!* - ahavah - Aug. 29th, 2006 06:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
bladespark
Aug. 28th, 2006 08:54 pm (UTC)
Oh heavens, I agree with all of that! And I SO cannot stand the S/stupid Y/you A/all T/thing. It's a huge part of why I don't spend any time in BDSM chats.
ahavah
Aug. 28th, 2006 10:16 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad it resonated with you! I have to admit that I hide from the chats. As a Dumb N00b, I made the mistake of giving out my IM info, and now I cower in the far reaches of the net...
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